


Still Falling

by IntrospectiveInquisitor



Series: Gundertale! [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Bad Puns, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Chara, Gender-Neutral Frisk, Good times, Humor, Insecurity, Multi, Slow building plot, comical violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7192733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrospectiveInquisitor/pseuds/IntrospectiveInquisitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the creation of a glitched timeline and harrowing quests involving screaming skeletons and time anomalies, Frisk finally achieved the happy ending they had always yearned for. Family, friends, and a whole world of endless possibilities to explore; there's no better life to be living. Everything's perfect... isn't it?</p><p> </p><p>The sequel to Above and Below. Be sure to read that first!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sleepiest Time of Year

Chara, Frisk, and Asriel were all sat around the TV in various stages of lethargy, half paying attention to 'A Very Mettaton Christmas', which was a half hour special involving Mettaton rolling around underneath a shower of candy canes and occasionally tripping over them while his self written and performed Christmas album, 'Holly Jolly Hexadecimals', played in the background. It was utterly enrapturing, to say the least.

 **"How did this guy get famous, again?"** Chara complained, crunching obnoxiously on a candy cane.  **"This is literally the least entertaining thing I've ever seen, and me n' Azzy used to watch snail races."**

"Hey, snail races were really cool! Especially once we learned how to personalize our racers. The Stardust Blazer was mine," Asriel helpfully informed Frisk.

 **"Hah! Stardust Blazer? More like Stardust Lamester. We both know that Entropy of Man was way cooler."** Chara snapped off a piece of candy cane, licked it, and stuck it to the back of Asriel's head when he wasn't looking.  He remained oblivious. 

"I did snail racing, once," Frisk added conversationally. "There was a snail farm in Waterfall run by a ghost, and he had a game called Thundersnail, where you could win money if your snail won."

"Yeah? How was it?" Asriel asked curiously. On screen, Mettaton was slowly being buried underneath a pile of peppermint candies. 

"My snail caught on fire." There was a brief, awkward silence. 

 **"That sounds so much cooler than our races,"** Chara gushed, rolling over to make eye contact with Frisk and also stick their feet in Asriel's face.

He wrinkled his snootle and shoved them away. "That  _does_ sound pretty cool. Did you ever win?" 

"Nope." Frisk popped the 'P'. "I played that game at least four hundred times, and never once came in first. I did come in fourth one time, even though there were only three snails."

 **"Wow that sure is fascinating,"** Chara replied, sounding distinctly un-fascinated.  **"What the hell are we even doing right now? Are we seriously just gonna sit here and watch this rectangle get covered in candy?"**

"Ehhhh..." Frisk made a so-so motion with their hand. 

"Well..." Asriel shrugged casually. "Not like there's much else to do." They all turned expectantly towards the stairs leading up to Papyrus' room. There was a long, desolate silence. "...Like I said, nothing else-"

Frisk's phone began meowing incessantly. They dug it out of their pocket and answered their incoming call-

"CHRISTMAS IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME CHRISTMAS IS FAST APPROACHING IT'S THE CHRISTMAS SEASON TIME FOR CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS IS IN THE NEAR FUTURE AND THE FUTURE IS NOW AND NOW IS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!" The entire living room was in shambles. Furniture was blasted to one side of the room, paintings and picture frames had been rattled right off the walls, and the room's three occupants were left in a groaning heap. Papyrus' voice continued blaring from the phone, but at a much less intense volume. "IF ALL THAT CRASHING AND BANGING WAS ANY INDICATION, YOU ARE AS EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS AS I AM! MARVELOUS!!! I'LL BE RIGHT THERE TO PICK YOU UP FOR SHOPPING ADVENTURES!" Papyrus hung up, and then immediately burst through the front door. "GREETINGS, FRIENDS! LUCKY FOR YOU, I WAS CONVENIENTLY STANDING OUTSIDE RIGHT WHEN I CALLED!" A series of low, mumbling groans was the only response. "WOW, IT LOOKS TERRIBLE IN HERE! YOU THREE ARE ALMOST AS MESSY AS SANS! I SAY ALMOST, BECAUSE YOU AT LEAST DIDN'T GET KETCHUP ON THE WALLS." Papyrus began spinning in circles, moving faster and faster until he had become a bone-nado. He tore around the room, sucking up furniture and picture frames and humans and boss monsters. He then came to an abrupt halt, sending all the debris he'd sucked up flying back around the room, into their proper spots. 

Chara, Frisk, and Asriel lay in a tangled pile on the couch, dizzy and disoriented. The sticky chunk of candy cane on the back of Asriel's head also became stuck in Chara's hair. "Hello, Papyrus," Frisk managed to get out, though their voice was slightly muffled due to their head being crammed between the couch cushions. But on the bright side, they found ten dollars! 

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING? DON'T ANSWER, FOR I ALREADY KNOW! YOU ARE LAZING ABOUT, LIKE A COUPLE OF... LAZY... PEOPLE! THERE ARE CHRISTMAS PREPARATIONS TO BE MADE! WE NEED A TREE, AND DECORATIONS, AND PRESENTS, AND A HAM, AND A TURKEY, AND SPAGHETTI, AND CANDY, AND COOKIES, AND A GINGERBREAD HOUSE, AND-"

 **"How about you slow down for a second. Mom and Dad said they were taking care of all the Christmas stuff, so you can just... chill out. Watch some horrible MTTTV with us, or something."** Chara tried to appear ambivalent about the notion of Papyrus hanging out with them. 

"...HMM. MTTTV, YOU SAY? NO, I MUST RESIST THE TEMPTATION! NO MATTER WHAT ASGORE AND TORIEL HAVE SAID, I MUST PROPERLY PREPARE FOR THE HOLIDAYS! I HAVE  TO-OH MY GOD, IS THAT THE MTT CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?!?!" Papyrus divebombed onto the couch, sending the other occupants scattering like bowling pins. He bounced off the cushions, and hung in the air as the couch unfolded into a pull-out bed. 

"Wait, how long has that been a pull-out?" Frisk wondered, sounding puzzled. Asriel shrugged weakly, or perhaps just twitched involuntarily. 

"FOR AS LONG AS IT HAS BEEN CONVENIENT FOR IT TO BE A PULL-OUT!" Papyrus replied wisely and also very loudly. He used his freakishly long arms to gather everyone up and settle them on the bed with him. "COME, FRIENDS. LET US LOAF AROUND LIKE A COUPLE OF BREAD SLICES, AND ENJOY THE MAJESTY OF METTATON!" He draped his arms over three pairs of shoulders, Frisk leaning into him comfortably while Asriel tried to create a polite amount of distance. Chara seemed torn between moving closer to the skeleton and judo flipping him across the room. Papyrus made a little squealing sound, overjoyed to be spending time with so many wonderful friends. 

 

When Sans arrived home later that evening, he was greeted by the sight of four overgrown children snoozing on the pull-out bed that they were apparently in possession of. The only light in the room was that of the television, on which Mettaton was dancing with CGI penguins. Sans smiled, exhaustion tugging at the corners of his face, and shuffled over to the edge of the bed. He hoisted himself up, settled under the arm of his favorite human, and drifted off to the dulcet sounds of Mettaton's singing accompanied by the screeches and honks of flightless birds. 

 

 


	2. Shopaholic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what, you're addicted to shopahol?

The day was cold, and dim, and windy. The sun had been obfuscated by both the horizon and a layer of dark grey clouds, from which flurries of snowflakes drifted down to earth. It was just cold enough for the snow to stick, which lead to blankets of white piling up on every unprotected surface. This was the world that greeted the goofy skeletons, furry boss monsters, and not-lucky-enough-to-have-flavor-text humans of the Dreemurr/Fontana household. They had all been forced into winter clothes by Toriel, who had wrapped them in so many scarves and hats and coats that they were all completely indistinguishable from one another. 

"uh, is all this really necessary? you know papyrus and i are skeletons, right? the cold just goes right through us." Sans' voice was muffled by a dozen million layers, and he didn't even bother trying to waddle around. He just kind of... sat on the ground, which looked exactly like standing. 

"INDEED! YOUR CONCERN IS GREATLY APPRECIATED, BUT WE HAVE NO NEED OF SUCH THINGS! WE LIVED IN SNOWDIN FOR XXXX AMOUNT OF YEARS, AND HAD NARY A SHIVER NOR A SNIFFLE!" Papyrus attempted to pose proudly, but ended up rolling over onto his side instead. "NYEEEH! I HAVE BEEN TIPPED! SOMEONE, HELP!" 

 **"Here, let me give you a hand."** Chara, who had somehow managed to wiggle out of the majority of their winter coverings, walked over to helpfully push the Papyrus ball over again. Unfortunately, he was now upside down. 

"Chara, you really should put your jackets on. I don't want you catching sick out here," Toriel fretted, loading the mass of jackets and coats into a cannon and preparing to light the fuse. 

 **"Mom, seriously. It's only like, twenty five degrees. I've got a coat, a sweater, gloves, a scarf, a hat, pants, AND long socks on. I think that's more than enough for me and Frisk. And besides, Asriel is covered in a freakin' shag carpet of fur! Does he really need to be wrapped up like a Christmas present?"** Chara gestured at the ball of fabric that may or may not have been their brother. A terrified bleat came from within. 

Toriel frowned thoughtfully, before sighing. "You always were such a stubborn child. Very well, I will try to be... less protective. But if any of you is sick on Christmas day, you know who to blame!" Toriel unravelled Frisk, Sans, Papyrus, and Asriel from their cozy prisons, and wheeled the cannon back into the transient closet.  

"FINALLY! SWEET FREEDOM! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus posed with one foot placed victoriously atop his pile of winter clothing, and made triumphant trumpet noises with his mouth. His head snapped around to catch Sans in the act of pulling out his trombone. "NOT ANOTHER INCH, BROTHER! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN, SHOULD YOU DARE PROCEED FURTHER!!!" 

"bro, i doubt i could measure how much treble i'd be in." Sans chuckled proudly, even as Papyrus gently flipped him upside down. 

Meanwhile, Asriel was on the ground, gasping for sweet, delicious oxygen. Frisk attempted to kindly offer him a hand, but they were hip checked out of the way by Chara, who yanked the breathless goat monster off the ground by a horn. "Chara, quit iiiiiit!" His voice came out slightly wobbly as his head was jerked around, but his vengeance soon came in the form of Frisk, who dumped a handful of snow down the back of Chara's sweater. They squealed in surprise, releasing Asriel in favor of jumping around and frantically trying to shake the snow out of their clothes. 

"boy, you've got a real handful, don't you tori?" Sans chuckled and leaned against Toriel's cliche minivan, but accidentally slipped and fell on his face. Nobody noticed. 

"They are certainly very lively," Toriel agreed, with a fond lilt in her voice. She watched as Chara delivered a vicious noogie to a wriggling Frisk, only to be caught in a headlock by Asriel. 

"UGH WITH A CAPITAL 'H'. WE HAVE TO HURRY UP AND BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS! HOW CAN I MAKE MY FRIENDS HAPPY WITH THOUGHTFUL GIFTS IF MY FRIENDS ARE TOO BUSY HAVING FUN FOR THEM TO BE MADE HAPPY BY MY THOUGHTFUL GIFTS?!" Papyrus paused, trying to figure out if that made sense. 

"You make a fair point, dear. Come along now, everyone! We have to hurry if we want to beat the rush!" Toriel called, as three heads snapped up at the sound of her voice.

Asriel sighed, releasing Chara from the brutal suplex he was about to deliver. "Can we get lunch on the way home?" He inquired, always one to ask the important questions. "I wanna try some authentic human food, made by real actual humans."

"I suppose so. But no fast food! I have no idea how humans manage to ingest so much grease at one time." Toriel sniffed disapprovingly.

"aw, c'mon, tori. they haven't really lived until they've tried some good old greasy fast food. think of it as a.. cultural experience. and besides, it's not like you'll let 'em eat it morning noon and night, right?"

Toriel pondered this, her resolve breaking as she saw three hopeful faces staring up at her. "...Alright, fine. But just this once. For cultural reasons." Chara and Asriel cheered, lifting Frisk off the ground and carrying them into the back of the minivan. They then proceeded to squabble over who got to sit where. "I'm sure I'm going to regret this," the former queen muttered, climbing into the driver's seat. Sans merely chuckled and crawled into the passenger seat, immediately fiddling with the radio.  

"YOU MOST CERTAINLY WILL!" Papyrus screamed agreeably, draping himself across the laps of the three in the back. "WOWIE, IT'S SO COZY BACK HERE NOW! USUALLY IT'S JUST ME AND FRISK WHO GET TO SIT HERE! YOU SHOULD FEEL HONORED TO BE ALLOWED INTO THE COOL CLUB, ASRIEL AND OTHER HUMAN!"

 **"Smells like spaghetti back here,"** Chara complained, nose wrinkling. 

"SILLY OTHER HUMAN! THAT IS SIMPLY MY EAU DE PASTA COLOGNE! I MAKE IT MYSELF. GUESS WHAT THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS!" Papyrus waited a very long time for someone to speak up.  

Every eye in the vehicle turned to Asriel, who quailed under the pressure. "Is... is it past-"

"IT'S PASTA! VERY SURPRISING, I KNOW. BE SURE TO KEEP IT A SECRET, OR ELSE!" There was another long silence, broken only by the hum of the radio. "...THIS IS WHERE YOU ASK 'OR ELSE WHAT?'." 

"Oh, uh, sure." Asriel cleared his throat. "Or else wh-" 

"BAD! BAD THINGS THAT ARE NOT GOOD THAT YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO DISLIKE A MODERATE TO SEVERE AMOUNT!" Papyrus cackled menacingly. "...ANYWAY. LET'S GO BUY PRESENTS! HOORAY!" 

And then they were driving! How exciting. Let's get a look at that action! 

 **"Sans, your taste in music is awful,"** Chara complained, after the fifth ska song in a row.  **"Can't you put on something that isn't complete trash?"**

"oh gee, i'd sure love to, but uh.. oh, it's just so far away." Sans leaned back his seat, slowly giving Chara less leg room. "i can't reach the radio, so i guess you'll have to put up with it, huh?" 

 **"You fuuuuuu-"** Chara trailed off as Toriel met their gaze in the rearview mirror. They could see the fires of hell burning in her eyes. " **F-fuuuunny guy. Yes, that is the exact thing I was going to say and nothing else."**

"I like Sans' music," Frisk said quietly. "It has a positive, inspiring energy, with an interesting blend of classical rock elements and modern brass." Sans leaned over to give them a pair of thumbs up, and Frisk returned it with an excited grin. 

 **"Pffft, whatever. It's still lame,"** Chara grumbled, before turning to Asriel.  **"You agree with me, right Azzy?"** Their tone suggested that he had better agree with them. 

"I, uh... no comment." Chara frowned, but said nothing in retaliation. 

Boy, wasn't that just a thrill? You'd better believe it was! 

Anyway they pulled up to their local MegaMart XL, and somehow found a parking space among the sea of already parked vehicles. Apparently six in the morning still wasn't early enough to avoid the crowds. Eventually they were stood just within the entrance of the store with three shopping carts. "Alright, everyone," Toriel began, "in the interest of saving time, we'll be pairing up to get our shopping done. Now, if you would simply draw a ticket from this hat, I can pair you all up, and when the shopping is done we can return here-" She was interrupted as Chara climbed atop Papyrus' head, clicking their heels and sending him screaming off into the aisles. Asriel and Frisk held hands, spinning in circles until they took off like a propeller, disappearing off into the distance. "..." 

"looks like it's just you and me, tori. oh well, i'm sure they'll be fine. Frisk is a responsible kid, and Papyrus knows not to destroy too much property." Sans patted the worried Toriel on the hand. 

"Oh... well, I suppose you're right. I just hope they don't go overboard with the presents." Toriel began wheeling the cart, slow enough for Sans to comfortably keep pace without exerting himself too much. 

"i'm sure it'll work out. you worry too much about what might happen, tori. just focus on the present for now, alright?" Sans winked, looking warmed by her gigglesnorts. 

"I apologize for being so wrapped up in my thoughts." Toriel beamed and joined Sans in his laughter, wheeling down aisles of food and into the clothing department. "I just find it difficult not to think of what might go wrong. Especially with legally confirming Asriel and Chara as my children, and my marital situation with Asgore. What if-" 

Sans cut in before she could finish the thought. "hey, hey. we can worry about legal stuff legis-later. for now, let's focus on having a nice christmas, alright?" 

Toriel took a deep breath, releasing it with a smile. "You are right, of course. As you so often are. Now, how do you think Undyne feels about woolen socks?"

"i think she might sock anyone that gives them to her." Sans basked in the sound of her laughter, and subtly steered the cart towards a rack of shirts with funny phrases on them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chara and Papyrus raced down the aisles at a billion miles an hour, or perhaps at only slightly elevated walking speeds.  **"So, Papyrus... you have any idea for a gift I can give someone I care about a lot, but without letting them know that I care?"** Chara swiped random objects off of shelves, with the intent of looking them over when the basket was full and then putting the ones they didn't want on the incorrect shelves. 

"YOU SPEAK OF YOUR BROTHER ASRIEL, YES? I THINK ANYTHING YOU GET HIM WILL SHOW THAT YOU CARE, BECAUSE YOU PUT IN THE EFFORT TO PICK SOMETHING OUT FOR HIM!" Papyrus dabbed a sample of cologne on his throat, which he didn't have. 

 **"But I don't want him to know I care!"** Chara replied, sounding frustrated.  **"What if I let you pick out a gift for him, and then explicitly tell him that you picked it out, and I didn't care enough to choose one myself?"**

Papyrus considered this without even questioning why Chara would do such a thing. "I BELIEVE YOU WOULD HURT HIS FEELINGS! AND THAT IS A BAD THING INDEED." 

**"Ugh, you're probably right. He's such a little crybaby... I just want to help him be less of a little loser!"**

"I SEE... I FEEL LIKE WE ARE FACED WITH A SIMILAR CONUNDRUM. WE BOTH WANT TO HELP OUR BROTHERS BE THE BEST THEY CAN BE, TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITIES! BUT WE CAN'T LET THEM THINK WE ARE CODDLING THEM, BECAUSE THEY WOULD FEEL LESS DRIVEN BY THE GOAL OF MEETING OUR STANDARDS!" 

Chara blinked up at him, looking awed.  **"That's... actually exactly how I feel. How did you..?"**

Papyrus grinned at them knowingly. "NYEH HEH HEH! THOUGH WE COME FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE, THE LOVE FOR OUR SIBLINGS IS A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT! WE PUSH THEM BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM, AND HATE SEEING THEM NOT PUT IN THE EFFORT TO BE GREAT!" 

 **"...You're really insightful, Papyrus. Thanks."** Chara smiled faintly, patting the skeleton on the humerus.  **"Now, what can I give him to help make him less of a lame-o?"**

Papyrus cackled ominously, earning fearful looks from other shoppers. "WORRY NOT, MY FRIEND. I HAVE THE PERFECT IDEA!" 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frisk and Asriel browsed at a sedate pace, Frisk humming a little tune as they inspected little Christmas themed knick knacks. "How are you liking the surface so far, Asriel?" They looked over when they didn't receive a response, finding him standing aimlessly in the middle of the aisle and staring into space. They gently poked him on the arm, producing a startled little yelp.

"W-what was that for?" Asriel whined, rubbing his arm as if Frisk had actually hurt him.

"You looked lost in thought," they replied simply. "And you ignored my question. I wanted to know how you felt about the surface."  

"Oh. It's, uhm... very big," Asriel winced a little. "Sorry, I'm just not sure what to say about it. I've just been... distracted, with everything that's going on." 

"You've certainly seemed distracted," Frisk observed. "You're still worried about them finding out, huh? Well, you shouldn't... because if they ever did somehow, I'd just LOAD." Frisk smiled encouragingly, wrapping their arms around a frozen Asriel's torso. 

"You... how far back would you LOAD?" Asriel flinched when they looked up at him, eyes gleaming dully. 

"As far back as I needed to," they declared, smile still plastered on their face. "I won't let anything ruin what I've worked for. Now c'mon, you need to pick out some Christmas gifts." They tugged on his hand, sending him stumbling after them whilst simultaneously reeling from the weight of their words. 

"W-wait, don't you have to pick out gifts too?" 

Frisk gave him a pitying look. "You're kidding, right? I ordered everything online. One day shipping is a wonderful thing." 

Asriel blinked several times. "I understood maybe twenty percent of that." 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later, the group of weirdos left the MegaMart XL with a full load of presents and a bountiful quantity of Christmas cheer. Also they left the store on fire. 


	3. An Improper Christmas: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ho-ho-horribly overdone Christmas special you've all been waiting for! Don't worry, it'll be terrible.

Ah, Christmas; a day unlike any other. It's unlike any other because it's a day with a special name where you gorge yourself and get free stuff from other people. But we aren't here to talk about Christmas, are we? No! We're here to talk about what a very special group is doing on this very special Christmas in...!

Above and Beyond: A Very Frisky Christmas Special!!!! Hooray! God what am I doing with my life-

 

Morning dawned bright and early for a certain young frisky freak. Their eyes dinged open, shining so bright they practically illuminated the room. Frisk leapt up into the air, and prepared to dash out of their room to start the day- only for the pair of arms wrapped around them to forcibly tug them back down. Their ribs were instantly pulverized, and all their internal organs had been turned into a smoothie. Raspberry or strawberry? You decide! Frisk wriggled and squirmed, vision darkening as they attempted to reach out to Asriel for aid. But alas, nobody came to their rescue. "C-Charaaaa," they wheezed. "Let gooooo! It's Christmas!" 

 **"I can wait another year,"** Chara yawned, mashing their face into Frisk's back. In a few scant moments, they went back to snoring and drooling all over the place. 

"Asriel, wake up! Chara has me prisoner!" Frisk fought valiantly against the iron chains of their imprisonment, to no avail. "Help me, Asriel! You're my only hope!" There was a moment of silence as Asriel shifted, and then Frisk was beaned in the forehead with a nail file. "...Isn't this supposed to be in a cake-" a full sized vanilla cake was also shoved in their face. And then they were free of Chara's clutches! Somehow. Also they had cake, so that was swell. Frisk sat up in bed, absentmindedly smearing cake all over themself as they tried to remember what they were awake for. Then, realization struck! Frisk gasped, and shoved some cake into their mouth while it was open. "Oh my god, it's-"

"CHRIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!" The entire house rattled wildly from the sheer vocal power of a certain over-excited skeleton, who managed to reach a decibel level that had not yet been discovered. Chara moaned like a dying whale in response to the noise, trying to burrow deeper into Frisk's bed. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL STILL DOING IN BED? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT'S-" Papyrus sucked in a deep breath-

"Yes, we know what day it is you don't have to say it again!" Asriel yelled frantically, at a volume that was practically a whisper compared to Papyrus' normal speaking voice. 

"We'll be up in just a minute, Papyrus," Frisk promised, lathering frosting into their hair. They noted the dark circles under his eyes, which appeared to be drawn on with marker. "How long have you been awake?" 

"SINCE BEFORE TODAY," Papyrus sportled loudly. "I WAS TOO EXCITED TO DO THAT SLEEPING THING THAT YOU ARE ALL SO FOND OF. I HAD TO REMAIN ALERT, SO AS TO CATCH SANTA IN THE ACT! UNFORTUNATELY, HE EVADED ALL OF MY TRAPS WHILE I WAS BUSY BLOGGING ABOUT HOW I WAS GOING TO CAPTURE SANTA." 

 **"You do realize that Santa isn't-"** Chara's dream shattering revelation was cut off by two or possibly three of Frisk's hands slapping over their mouth. 

"Isn't... that easy to catch! That's what Chara was going to say. And nothing else." Frisk smiled nervously, in part from hoping Papyrus would believe them and in part from hoping Chara wouldn't bite their fingers off. 

"HMM... YOU'RE RIGHT! I SIMPLY HAVE TO 'STEP UP MY GAME', AS THE COOL KIDS SAY. OOH, I HOPE SANTA BROUGHT ME DOG REPELLANT THIS YEAR, SO THAT I MAY FINALLY UNVEIL THE POWER OF MY SPECIAL ATTACK UPON HIM, SO THAT HE MAY BE CAPTURED AND INTERROGATED FOR HIS SECRETS!" Papyrus cackled, legs spinning like pinwheels as he zoomed out of the room, forgetting why he had gone inside in the first place. 

And then Chara bit all of Frisk's fingers off and they had to spend all of Christmas in the hospital, the end. 

No but actually Frisk tugged Chara and Asriel out of bed, determined to get them up and ready for the best Christmas ever! Before any protests could be made, Frisk was already hurling them both headfirst into the dresser, where they landed neatly inside individual drawers. Frisk lifted the entire thing over their head with monumental comedy strength, shaking it much like they would a martini, if they were actually old enough to drink. After much shaking and such, Chara and Asriel both drizzled out from the cracks in their designated drawers, pooling on the floor as a thick, sticky liquid. But they were fully dressed, and that was enough for Frisk! 

Anyway they all cartwheeled out into the living room, except for Asriel doesn't know how to cartwheel, Chara who hates cartwheels with a fiery passion, and Frisk who has received several 'Cease and Desist' letters from Papyrus, who happens to moonlight as a cartwheeling attorney. So actually they just walked I guess. ALSO the living room was filled with Christmas decorations of all kinds, including a mistletoe, garland on every available surface, several wreaths placed randomly on the walls and ceiling, and a giant, fully decorated Christmas tree, under which was a mountain of presents, which the present goblin had wrapped while they were all sleeping. Also Asgore was there, dressed as Santa and helping himself to a plate of cookies. He put them down once he realized they were filled with spaghetti. He attempted to wash the taste away with a glass of milk, but put it down once he realized it was also filled with spaghetti. He postponed his barfing when his children walked in the room, a wide smile growing on his face. "Hohoho! Meeeerry-" 

"SANTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Papyrus came screaming down from the ceiling that he'd been clinging to via his incredible skeleton finger strength, and proceeded to use that incredible skeleton finger strength to capture Asgore in a prison of fingers. "I HAVE YOU NOW, SANTA! YOU NOW HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GIVE ME ALL THE PRESENTS I DESIRE! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus crawled all over the confused Asgore, going over his head and under his arms and between his... toes. 

 **"Papyrus, I seriously don't need to watch you get fresh with my dad."** Chara flinched as a grinning skull was suddenly thrust into their face. 

"YOUR DAD...? OH MY GOD, I KNEW IT! THOSE ROSY CHEEKS, THAT ADORABLE FACE, THE FACT THAT YOU ARE VERY SHORT- YOU ARE ONE OF SANTA'S ELVES!!!" Chara sputtered in frothing protest as Asriel exchanged a confused look with Frisk, mouthing 'adorable???' with several question marks. Frisk had to stuff an entire hand in their mouth to keep from laughing. 

Asgore had no reservations about laughing, gently plucking the plucky skeleton off his person. "Oh, Papyrus. I'm afraid you just missed Mr. Claus. But, he did leave me with instructions to give you a very special gift." Asgore winked, and Papyrus exploded out of his hands like a firecracker. 

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH! I KNEW THAT HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY IGNORE MY TWELVE THOUSAND, FOUR HUNDRED, EIGHTY SEVEN POINT TWO LETTERS THAT I'VE SENT HIM! FINALLY, I SHALL HAVE MY ULTIMATE PRESENT, ONE THAT WILL CHANGE THE FACE OF HISTORY FOREVER!!!!" Papyrus cackled madly, zooming around the room and bouncing off of the walls. 

 **"...Wait a minute, I'm not short! You're just freakishly tall, boneman!"** Chara simmered in agitation, and it boiled over as Asriel casually rested an elbow on their head.  **"C'mon, mister Hyperdeath. Let's see how you like having those horns stuffed up your stocking!"** Chara leapt for Asriel's extremely grabbable horns while he ducked out of the way, bleating in distress. 

"Now now, children... let's not fight on Christmas. This is a happy time!" Asgore watched in nervous indecision as Chara chased Asriel up and down and all around the room, flinging various vaguely described objects at him. Asgore danced in place, trying to figure out if he should do something or not, but thankfully the situation resolved itself as the still-flying-around Papyrus collided with the with the pair in a catastrophic explosion that destroyed half the city and then Christmas was ruined forever mostly because of Asgore. 

Anyway the three morons eventually bumbled their way into the kitchen, Chara looking dissatisfied and Asriel looking vaguely haunted as Frisk skipped happily. Asgore tiptoed in meekly behind them, trying to hide from the piercing gaze of Toriel, who was currently juggling forty different holiday appropriate dishes at once. Also she was cooking at the same time! What a talented goat lady. Sans was also there too, sleeping on top of the kitchen table. An empty pie tin was being cradled against his chest. Oh and also Papyrus was in the kitchen possibly, gravitating towards the bubbling pots and hot oven so that he could 'assist' Toriel with the cooking. Why the pots were bubbling and the oven was hot remained unclear, considering Toriel was cooking everything with fire magic.  

"Hello, dears. I trust you slept well?" Toriel called cheerfully, standing on one foot like a flamingo as she held Papyrus at bay with the other leg. His arms flailed as he tried to stretch towards the foodies, making pathetic little 'NYEH!' noises in the process. 

"I slept as well as I could with Chara's old man snoring." Asriel snickered as his sibling swiped at him, looking petulant. 

 **"At least I don't sound like a goober,"** Chara shot back, before adopting an extremely whiny tone of voice.  **"'Oh look at me, I'm The Absolute God of Hyperdork! Don't make fun of me, because if you do I'll cry about it!'."**

"Chara..." Toriel began in a stern manner. "I know you can behave better than this. You wouldn't want to find coal in your stocking, would you?" 

 **"I mean, I could probably sell it and use the profits to buy my own presents-"** Chara shrank back under the ferocious Mom Glare.  **"...No ma'am."**

"Good. Then I trust you'll be on your best behavior. Now apologize to your brother, and we can have a nice breakfast before everyone else gets here." 

Chara scraped together as much of their dignity as they could, scribbling an apology on a sticky note and gently sticking it to Asriel's forehead. Toriel watched on critically. "..I suppose that will do for now." She gently lifted Sans off the table, placing him in Frisk's arms before covering the table in breakfast foods of all kinds. The whole family settled down to eat, an air of easy chatter filling the room, accompanied by the scrape of forks and knives. Due to the shortage of chairs, Chara ended up squeezing into one seat with Asriel, and Asgore ended up sitting on the floor. He was still tall enough to easily reach everything on the table, and took advantage of that by eating four helpings of foodies. Sans and Frisk spent most of their time stacking breakfast sandwiches on each other's heads, while Toriel and Papyrus had a very lengthy conversation about local politics. It was extremely riveting. Trust me. 

And then, just as breakfast was wrapping up, the front door exploded inwards, destroyed in an instant by a force beyond that of any mortal being! Extremely loud power metal played in the background, the sawdust clearing to reveal a (TOTALLY AWESOME!) silhouette. Who was it? I guess we'll find out... next time!!!!! Like it isn't already obvious-

[BZZT]

Mettaton stood in front of the camera, smiling bright and wearing a ridiculously ugly Christmas sweater and a pair of reindeer horns. "Hello, my lovelies and gentlelovelies, and thank you for joining us for this, our very first Christmas Special!" He discreetly pressed the 'PLAY' button on a tape recorder that he was hiding very poorly behind his back, and the sound of an audience cheering played for several seconds. "I'm as excited as you are, dears! But unfortunately, it is time for an extremely lengthy commercial break. So lengthy, that we couldn't afford to hire anyone to fill the timeslot. So instead, how about we spend that time imagining just how amazing that commercial break would have been!" Mettaton closed his eyes, humming a tune that he had written just for this exact situation. "Well, that was nice, wasn't it? I know I sure enjoyed it!" He winked loudly. "But now, I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye until tomorrow, when we will air the exciting conclusion to: 'A Very Frisky Christmas'! Be sure to stick around, because it's a finale you won't want to miss!" Mettaton blew a kiss at the camera, and then everything went dark. 


	4. An Improper Christmas: Part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne flops into battle!

The sawdust cleared, revealing the extremely brawny and extremely fishy silhouette of... "SUP NERDS," Undyne boomed, stomping through the door with a stack of presents under one arm, and a stack of Alphys' tucked under the other. Actually, it was only one Alphys. THIS TIME, AT LEAST!!! She backflipped forward into the kitchen, landing on top of the kitchen table and knocking almost everything off of it. She paused, and then used her foot to knock off everything she'd missed. "YOU DORKS READY FOR A KILLER CHRISTMAS?!" Undyne spat, spraying fish spittle on everyone, especially Asriel. Actually, she exclusively sprayed it on Asriel, from a spray bottle that she'd filled with her saliva beforehand. AND THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW! Well, it was the first straw, really. Actually, it wasn't even a straw at all-

"FEEBLE MORTAL, YOU DARE DISRESPECT THE ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH?!" Asriel exploded out of his seat and hovered into the air, cackling madly as his tattoos/body paint/edgy markings shifted and writhed over his fur, crackling chaos magic forming between his fingertips. "PREPARE YOURSELF FOR-ACK!" Asriel was yanked out of the air by a scaly iron grip, and was carefully deposited upside down in his seat. Alphys was dropped to the floor in the process. The only sound was that of Chara's mocking cackles. 

"Calm down, kiddo; it's Christmas! We're all here to have a good time, right?" Undyne's expression gave the impression that someone was going to be suplexed if that wasn't why they were there. "Yo, T, where should I put these presents?" 

There was a brief, awkward pause. Toriel looked back and forth, before hesitantly pointing towards herself. "Do you... is that me? Alright then. Just put them under the tree, dear." She winced as Undyne wound up and pitched the presents into the living room with incredible force, hearing something shatter on the floor. "Do either of you happen to know when Mettaton will be arriving? We can't begin the festivities without him." 

Alphys scrambled to her feet, tossing aside empty eggshells when she was done. "I-I believe he said something about arriving 'fashionably late', a-and that he was planning something special." The scientist winced in dread, already imagining what sort of horrible surprises Mettaton might have hidden up his sleeves. Heck, he might not even be wearing sleeves, and that's the most dangerous Mettaton of them all. "B-but he should be here soon. Merry Christmas, by the way!" Alphys squeaked as she was scooped off the floor by Frisk, and squeezed like an oversized plush toy. 

Undyne didn't notice. "Figures he'd be the last to show up. Probably primping his already perfect robot face," she scoffed, as if this were the first she'd heard of this, which it wasn't. "UGH I JUST WANNA OPEN PRESENTS ALREADY," she yelled impatiently, stamping on the floor so hard that it turned inside out. 

Asgore chuckled warmly. "Now now, waiting is half the fun! It wouldn't be very exciting if we opened them right away, now would it?" He carefully peeled Alphys off of where she'd been awkwardly perched atop his head for some reason, and placed her atop Undyne's instead. Alphys hissed like a startled cat, scuttling all over Undyne. She crawled over her head, under her arms, and between her... fins. 

"THE KING MAKES AN EXCELLENT POINT," Papyrus bellowed, sockets darting back and forth. "I... WITHOUT THE AGONIZING OBLIGATION OF WAITING FOR PRESENTS SO THAT EVERYONE MIGHT HAVE A PROPER CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE, OUR ALL CONSUMING DESIRE TO LOOK AT OUR PRESENTS WOULD... WOULD.. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Papyrus rocketed out of his chair, achieving lift-off even without the aid of flappy arms or helicopter legs as he hurtled towards the exit of the kitchen. Every able body reached out to stop him, but he'd coated himself in butter off screen. Not for this exact scenario, or anything. He just.. really liked butter. "FOOLS! NONE MAY STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING THE OPENING OF MY PRESENTS! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HE-ACK!" Papyrus was yoinked out of the air by an iron, scaley grip and flung down at the floor. He slid wildly across the tile, because of the aforementioned butter. 

"Seriously, Papyrus? You've got like, the most willpower of anyone I know. Are you honestly gonna let some dumb presents get in the way of that?" Undyne demanded, planting her fists on her hips because she left her regular hands at home. 

"N-not that she's saying any of your presents are d-dumb!" Alphys clarified hastily. 

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Undyne re-clarified fiercely. Asgore's head hung in sorrow. "Okay fine, maybe they're alright or whatever." Asgore brightened, beaming a grin as his tongue flopped out of his mouth. Undyne winced painfully. "Don't do that, please." 

Papyrus emerged from under the kitchen table, one hand clad in a black and magenta sock puppet with fabulous hair. "HELLO, DARLINGS," the skeleton crooned out of the corner of his mouth, "I HAVE ARRIVED, AND IT IS NOW TIME TO OPEN ALL OF THE REALLY COOL PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE! I NOMINATE PAPYRUS TO BE THE FIRST TO OPEN THEM, BECAUSE HE IS VERY COOL AND HANDSOME!" Papyrus laughed modestly. "WHY THANK YOU, METTATON. WELL, YOU HEARD HIM, EVERYONE. LET US GOOOOOOOO-" He slipped and fell on his face as he attempted to run out of the kitchen. "CURSE MY BUTTERY GOODNESS!! IT HAS FOILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!!" Papyrus furiously tossed a container of aluminum foil across the room. Multiple sticks of butter soon followed. 

 **"That robot literally could not get here faster,"** Chara muttered, trying to avoid the butter flying past their head. 

"i know what you mean. he'd butter hurry up." Sans and Frisk exchanged much laughter and high fives, much to the annoyance of Demonus Dorkalis. I mean Chara. 

Then, there was a knock at the door that Undyne had completely pulverized only a few minutes ago. Several knocks. MANY KNOCKS. 

"OH, THAT MUST BE METTATON. WHY DON'T YOU ALL GO GREET HIM AT ONE TIME WHILE I PROTECT THE PRESENTS?" Papyrus shot through the air like a bullet, but his mad dive was thwarted by the front door that shouldn't exist, which exploded inward and smashed him out of the air! Smoke poured in through the open doorway, accompanied by flashing, multicolored LEDs and funky, Christmas themed nu disco. 

"GRRRRREETINGS, MY LOVELIES!" Mettaton Classic purred as he was carried through the front door by several faceless underlings, lying seductively atop a velvet upholstered chaise lounge. "Who here is ready for the most incredible Christmas of their lives?" He didn't wait for a response. "Wonderful, simply wonderful! And I aim to deliver, my dears. With.... PRESEEEEEEEENTS!!!!!" The sound of helicopter rotors became evident, and then with a horrible creak of wood and insulation, the roof of the house was airlifted right off. From above came a shower of individually wrapped gifts. The wrapping paper was printed with a pattern of Mettaton's face.

Papyrus screamed so loudly that one of the helicopters exploded in mid air, catching the first wave of presents directly in his mouth. He chewed through them like a dog, only to find...! They were completely empty. "WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!!?!?" Papyrus howled, looking betrayed. 

"WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PRANK IS THIS?!" Undyne roared in tandem with the screaming skeleton, kicking an empty present so hard that it combusted immediately. 

"Please, darlings, calm yourselves. Did you really think I would be so cheap as to buy your affections with material goods?" Undyne opened her mouth to reply, but Mettaton hastily cut her off. "No, I have something much grander in mind!" The rectangular robot rocketed right off his chaise lounge, twirling through the air as he transformed...! Mettaton MAX landed in a split, smiling rakishly. Every bit of glossy magenta on him had been carefully repainted to a sparkling ruby, and the matte black had been covered with a layer of pearly white. He also smelled very strongly of peppermint. "What I have for you all today... are tickets to my New Year's Eve conceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeert!" He sang, pulling a keytar out of somewhere and strumming it despite that not being how you play a keytar. Everyone applauded uproariously, and then they all opened presents and had a good time the end. 

No but actually that comes later. 


	5. An Improper Christmas: Part 30/12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgore gets presents and stuff!

Mettaton wildly strummed his keytar with a guitar pick, dancing about as someone with a guitar shaped instrument might dance. His underlings hastily erected blaring stage lights and smoke machines and LED disco balls that shot seizure inducing lasers in every possible direction. Sections of hardwood floor opened up, and platforms housing band members and backup singers rose up and clicked into place. The band unpacked their instruments, and soon a funky beat joined alongside Mettaton's frantic keytar-ing. The full force of dorks in the kitchen clapped along to the music, everyone, even the ones that wouldn't ever do such a thing ever. The kitchen tiles lit up in a rainbow of colors, and everybody began to boogie. Disco balls fell from the ceiling that had been removed, and they were actually suspended in the air this time despite the fact that there was nothing for them to be suspended from. They all formed a totem pole, with Asgore river dancing at the bottom and Mettaton keytar-ing at the top as many arms flailed in joy. 

And then all the lights went out and the ceiling was plopped back on and the band members vanished in puffs of smoke, and everyone sat down in the living room like nothing had happened at all ever. "That's just a taste of the majesty of my incredible concert that you will all be going to OR ELSE!" Sans played a dramatic sting on his trombone. "Thank you, darling." 

"yeah no problem. i'm sure your concert will be a brass-t." Sans and Frisk snickered like school children, lightly shoving each other back and forth. Frisk accidentally shoved the skeleton so hard that he went twirling right out the window. But he was okay so it was okay. 

"I-It's, uh, certainly very generous of you to g-give us free tickets to your concert, Mettaton," Alphys rehashed as one of her drones carried Sans back into the house. He waved idly. 

"Well, generous is my middle name, darling," Mettaton chortled in an extremely modest manner from atop his throne that was Asgore's head. 

Frisk raised their hand, waiting to be called on before speaking. But then they spoke anyway. "How can you have a middle name without a last name?" 

Mettaton opened his mouth to respond, and then paused. "...So!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "I believe it is time for the present exchange, yes? How exciting! Let's do that instead of asking further questions!" Chara filed this under suspicious/exploitable behavior. 

"Oh, oh! I'll go first," Asgore boomed enthusiastically, standing up so quickly that Mettaton was launched into the ceiling. He dove headfirst into Toriel's reading chair, overcome with present fever. There was a brief squabble as the rest of the big dorks decided who would be first to give him a present. Eventually, Chara and Asriel were shoved forward. 

Asriel looked tentatively excited, holding up a poorly wrapped present. The wrapping paper was covered in shooting stars. "You'll never guess what we got you-"

 **"It's another sweater,"** Chara interrupted flatly, swiping the box from Asriel and dumping it on their father's head. His excited expression did not waver. 

"Well, I certainly do love sweaters," Asgore admitted, carefully unwrapping the wrapping paper, which was basically a lump of tape and paper on top of a box. Several agonizingly long minutes passed in this manner, before Asgore carefully folded the wrapping paper and set it aside for later use. He also folded every single scrap of tape. Finally he opened the box, unveiling a mint green sweater that read 'Monsieur Man Father'. Asgore squealed in joy, immediately slipping it on over the sweater he was already wearing. "It fits perfectly! And it's in Italian, too! Very fancy. I'll be sure to never take it off." Asgore leaned in until he was inches from Asriel's face. "NEVER," he breathed, hot tea breath wafting directly into Asriel's nostrils. Goat son was quick to put some distance between them. 

 **"Yeah great glad you like it,"** tsundere child muttered, fighting off a smile. It was hospitalized for three weeks after the incident. Then they were yanked off their feet by a familiarly fishy grip, and tossed across the room like a dart. They stuck in the wall with a loud crunch. Asriel very quietly and unobtrusively moved out of the way. 

"HECK YEAH I'M SO PUMPED, ASGORE YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS PRESENT!" Undyne roared, hefting a long, oblong package that was bigger than she was over her shoulder. The wrapping paper was covered in little blue spears. Like, so covered you couldn't see what the underlying color was.

Also Alphys was there, toting a much more modestly sized present, covered in little dragon rolls. Someone had doodled angry eyes on the dragon rolls, as well as jets of flame. "I-I hope you like it," she mumbled nervously, unsure if she should present her present first or let Undyne go.

Undyne wasted no time in taking the initiative. She thrust the package at Asgore, who accepted it with careful hands. "Whatever could it be?" He pondered, beginning to repeat the process of carefully removing and folding the wrapping paper. Undyne twitched violently as he did so, her single eye bulging out of her socket. AND THEN HE UNWRAPPED A GIANT ASS SWORD AND IT WAS LIKE 'WOOSH KABOOSH'!!!!! No but actually it didn't make any sounds because it's a sword and it wasn't moving. "Oh... a greatsword?" Asgore looked up, trying to confirm that this wasn't actually Undyne's idea of a kitchen knife.

"Heck yeah it is!" Undyne cheered, looking like totally pumped and stuff. "You can use it to strike down your foes with impunity, to cleave through the evils that stand before you! To disembowel-"

"Y-you could probably use it for cutting vegetables, too," Alphys cut in. "O-or for gardening!" She smiled crookedly, looking extremely uncomfortable. "A-anyway, uh... h-here." She thrust the present into Asgore's hands, despite them being preoccupied with the massive greatsword. Having a brilliant idea, he used the sword to gently remove every single piece of tape, and then seventy two hours passed as he folded everything into a little origami crane. And then....!!!!!!! He was holding a DVD case. "I-it's anime!" Alphys clarified, before anyone even had a chance to ask. Not that they actually needed to, or anything. "It's c-called 'Knight of the Black Sun', and it's a-about a knight that lives on a planet where the sun never rises and they have to find a way to bring the sun back and there's this really emotional character arc for the knight even though they don't talk their thoughts are conveyed so perfectly, especially about-oh, s-spoilers, but it's really cool and easy to get into and I thought you'd like it and if you have any questions about it you can call me and I'll avoid spoilers and-"

Asgore silenced the rambling yellow dinosaur by shoving a finger up her nostril, and using it to lift her off the floor.  "Thank you very much, Dr. Alphys. I'll be sure to come to you if I have any questions about it." He gently deposited her in a trash can, and wiped his finger off on Undyne's face. She backflipped away, presumably going to wash off her face.

 "NYEH HEH! NOW IS THE TIME FOR PAPYRUS! OH AND SANS TOO I GUESS." Papyrus scooped his brother up off the floor that he'd been sitting on for some reason, pitching him like a baseball. Asgore caught him in an oversized mitt, and the crowd went wild. "TWO POINTS," Papyrus crowed incorrectly, before leaping into Asgore's lap with a gift in hand. "NYEH HEH HEH! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE GREATEST PRESENT EVER CONCOCTED BY THE MOST BRILLIANT MIND ON THE PLANET!" Papyrus reached into his cape, producing... a second cape!!! In purple, this time! Papyrus grinned victoriously at the king, who smiled genially back at him. They continued smiling back and forth at each other before Papyrus realized something. "OH WAIT YOU ALREADY HAVE A CAPE. WAIT, I KNOW!" Papyrus carefully fastened the cape around Asgore's face, spreading it out so it covered his beard. "BEHOLD! YOUR VERY OWN BEARD PROTECTOR!!!!!" Everyone clapped politely. 

"Golly, what a thoughtful present! Thank you very much, Papyrus." Asgore gently patted the skeleton's skull with a paw, causing him to beam and squirm in delight. 

"NYEH HEH! I KNEW YOU COULD NOT RESIST THE UTTER THOUGHTFULITUDE OF MY GIFT! NOW, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR WHAT IS SURE TO BE THE MOST LOW EFFORT GIFT ON THE PLANET, FROM MY BROTHER, SANS!" Papyrus swooced away, leaving Sans to plop into the former monarch's lap. 

"hey, asgore. what do you call a sleeping person's sibling?" Sans waggled his eyebrow ridges. 

Asgore considered this carefully, tapping his chin. "Hm... I do not know." 

"a nap-kin." A collective groan went up around the room, and Sans used the distraction to discreetly shove a pack of napkins into the furry boss monster's palm. They were a pastel green, with little golden flowers embroidered on them. "i thought you could use these for tea and biscuits, or whatever. so, happy christmas." Sans almost had the energy to look surprised when Asgore scooped him up in a pair of burly arms, wailing loud enough to wake the dead. 

"Oh, thank you, Sans! I will treasure them forever and always!" Asgore sniffed pitifully, wiping his eyes on his new beard cape before carelessly tossing Sans aside. He resisted the urge to quiver as Toriel approached, with Frisk at her side. "Oh, Toriel, you didn't have to get me anything. You've already done so much by letting me stay-" 

"Silence yourself and accept your gifts. You were always too humble for your own good." Toriel spoke with no venom, or coldness. There was a bit of exasperation, but it seemed almost.. fond. She held out a gift bag, filled with colorful tissue paper. "Frisk's gift is in there as well. It is something of a... companion piece." 

Asgore nodded meekly, sparing a look at Frisk, who smiled encouragingly. He accepted the gift bag, sifting through the paper stuffed inside and plucking out a book. A cook book, to be exact; one of pie recipes. He gaped, open mouthed, eyes darting between Toriel and the book. "I..." 

"You've always had such a fondness for my pies. And, well... we decided it was time you learn how to make them yourself. I added my own recipes in the back of the book." Toriel very purposefully made eye contact, and smiled in a very mild manner. Asgore nodded dumbly, digging through the bag to retrieve a set of pie tins. 

"They're reusable," Frisk informed him helpfully. "You can just wash them out when you're done, and use them agai-HGGHK!" Frisk was interrupted as they were scooped up by the sobbing king, along with Toriel, who endured the treatment patiently. Asgore smiled upon his youngest and his former wife, and squeezed them so hard that they exploded the end. 


	6. An Improper Christmas: Part 90210

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More things happen.

After the mess of severed limbs and bodily fluids was cleaned up, it was time for more presents! Hooray!!! There was a brief kerfuffle as several more impatient Christmasteers fought for present chair rights, and Chara used the distraction to pull Asriel up on the chair beside them. But then they decided he was taking up too much room and shoved him onto the floor. Toriel was too busy clashing with Undyne to properly scold them. 

"FOOL, DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD DEFEAT THE ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH SO EASILY?!" Asriel unleashed a massive shockwave of rainbow electricity that slightly rustled everyone's clothing. He floated up off the floor, laughing maniacally as chaos magic swirled in his palms. He looked mildly peeved when Papyrus started laughing with him. "Stop that. Uh, where was I? Oh, right." Asriel cleared his throat before unleashing a menacing cackle. "PREPARE YOURSELF FOR TOTAL OBLITERATION, FEEBLE MORTAL. YOU-GHHK!" Asriel yelped as he was dragged out of the air and plopped headfirst onto Toriel's reading chair. 

 **"Could you keep a lid on the edge for like, five seconds? I'm trying to get presents over here."** Chara draped themself over as much of the chair as they could, like a bored monarch atop their throne.  **"Come, peasants! Present to me your tributes!"**

Asriel awkwardly righted himself, limbs flailing wildly in every direction possible, as well as all the impossible ones. "Preeetty sure that's not how you should talk to the people giving you presents." 

"Manners go a long way," Toriel informed them wisely, hoisting a rope to lock her catapult into firing position. A massive, neatly wrapped gift was loaded into it. "Launch!" She triggered the release, sending the present screaming through the air, where it spent exactly five microseconds before finding a new home in Asriel's face. He was absolutely obliterated, with not a trace left of him ever to be found again in the known universe-

Asriel excitedly unwrapped the present; at least, he tried to. Chara was quick to snatch it from his hands, and tear the wrapping paper to bits. "Hey, I wanted to open it!" 

 **"You were taking too long,"** Chara replied simply, tossing bits of torn paper in his face. He sputtered and swiped it away.  **"Mom, this had better not be another bucket of snails-"** Chara paused, carefully extracting the contents of the comically oversized box. It was a hardcover book, simply titled 'Memories'. Asriel and Chara both stared at it in quiet wonder.

"It's a photo album," Toriel informed them helpfully. "Your father and I compiled the photographs we had taken out of the Underground." 

Asgore wrung his hands nervously. "We thought you might enjoy having a piece of the past to look back on. And there is room inside for new memories, as well." 

The edgiest goat monster of all was sniffling loudly, and wiping at his eyes in an extremely obvious manner. "M-mom... dad.. I, I don't know what to say." 

Chara wrapped an arm around their brother's shoulders, an uncharacteristically soft expression on their face. They reached out with one hand, and opened to the first page, which was littered with sepia toned photographs.  **"There's only one thing to say, brother. All we can do is ask why our loving, generous parents... forgot to put any cash in the book."** There was a brief, extremely uncomfortable silence.  **"And also we really like the gift."** Toriel breathed a sigh of relief and Asgore broke into a warm grin, but luckily he got in and out before the police could be called. He gathered the present receivers in his arms, squeezing gently.  **"No but actually, I expect the cash by Friday at the latest."** And then everyone laughed merrily because nobody actually takes Chara seriously ever actually forever. 

"Let's just get this out of the way," Undyne stated plainly, judo flipping Toriel and Asgore out of the way. She thrust a gift bag directly into Chara's mouth. "We weren't really sure what you guys liked, so uh.. yeah." Also Alphys was there, looking to be on the verge of fainting from nerves. 

"Oh golly gee. You guys didn't have to get us anything." Asriel looked touched, but that was probably because Chara was currently touching every part of his face with both hands. "Could you stop for like, five seconds?" 

Chara pulled away, a sinister grin firmly in place.  **"The clock is ticking, Azzy."** Asriel took that as the threat it was, hastily digging through the gift bag to unveil...!!!! A pair of twenty dollar gift cards to 'The Raw Fish Emporium of Fantastic Flavors'. There was also a pair of 'I'm With Stupid' t-shirts, with big cartoon hands that would only point at the other person if they were in the right position, and if they weren't it'd probably point at someone else in a very rude manner. Chara looked everything over with a critical eye, 'hmm'ing loudly.  **"...I can accept this. But next year, just bring cash or something."**

"How about you cash in this knuckle sandwich, punk?" Undyne held up a fist and grinned with horrible dagger murder teeth, and Chara answered with their innocently terrifying Creepy Face with a capital 'P'. 

"Y-you guys, we can't fight on Christmas," Alphys interjected hastily, pulling on Undyne's elbow. "It completely disrespects the spirit of the holiday we're trying to celebrate!"  

Asriel used a much different approach. "Chara, seriously. I think she could punch your face so hard that it wouldn't be a face anymore." Chara scoffed, looking unconvinced. "And without a face, you won't be able to eat chocolate," he continued, causing horror to dawn on his murder sibling. 

"..." Undyne uncocked her Piston Punch, sighing violently. "Yeah, whatever. Happy Christmas and stuff." 

 **"Merry whatever,"**  Chara replied just as flippantly, already tossing colorful tissue paper at Asriel, who endured it silently.

"NYEH HEH! NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO UNVEIL HIS NEXT INCREDIBLE GIFT! OH AND SANS WILL BE THERE TOO." Papyrus reared back and kicked his brother like a soccer ball, sending Sans spinning wildly through the air.

He landed directly in Chara's lap, winking up at them. "hey, how ya doin'." He was dumped to the floor immediately after. 

"PRESENT TIME TIME FOR PRESENTS PRESENTS FOR YOU PRESENTS FROM ME, TO YOU, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PRESENT!" Papyrus flung out his arms, showers of sparkles flying all over. Mettaton clapped politely, and then did nothing until it was his turn to get presents. "NOW, I PRESENT TO YOU-" Sans laughed. "YOU BE QUIET! AS I WAS SAYING, HAVE THIS, OTHER HUMAN AND ASRIEL!" Papyrus dumped a simple blood red hoodie on Chara, and a studded leather jacket that read 'Rainbow Power' in a brutal font on Asriel. "PLEASE, HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE." Papyrus posed proudly, and there was a moment of silence. "...ALRIGHT, YOU CAN STOP HOLDING IT NOW." 

Asriel admired his new jacket with childish wonder sparkling in his freaky-deaky inverted eyes. "Gosh, this is so cool! It'll really show off my manly toughness!" Chara was too busy admiring their own gift to laugh at him. 

 **"...It looks really nice. Thanks, boneman."** Chara smiled up at the outrageously handsome skeleton, and for once they didn't look like they were about to kill someone. Needless to say, it was not a moment that would ever be forgotten. Mostly because Asgore took a picture, but still. Chara hissed like an alligator from the flash of the camera, scuttling over the arm of the chair and hiding under it. 

"Aww, what's wrong? Don't want everyone to know what a big softie you are?" Asriel teased, reaching down to pull Chara out from underneath the chair that had literally no room for them underneath it. There was a brief pause, and then Asriel slowly pulled his arm back. He was missing a hand. Luckily, he had a spare for just such an occasion. "C'mon, we've still got more presents." 

"that's right, and boy are you gonna love them." Sans winked menacingly, already hefting an old grocery bag with what was presumably presents inside. He reached inside and grabbed something, which he threw at Asriel. 

Goat boy fumbled to catch whatever was being thrown at him, turning it over in his hands and squinting at it. It appeared to be a box of rainbow colored bandages. "...I don't understand." 

"hey, you gotta have somethin' ready if you accidentally cut yourself on all your edge." Sans smiled innocently. Chara's muffled laughter could be heard from under the chair. 

Asriel stared flatly at the skeleton. "Gee, what a hilarious joke. Here, let me laugh." Asriel was more silent than the void of space. "C'mon Chara, come out and get your _super funny_ prank gift." 

 **"I bet it will be even funnier than yours!"** Chara boasted, exploding onto the chair in an incredibly amazing and complicated process that will go undescribed. They draped themself directly on top of their brother, despite there being more than enough room beside him.  **"Lay it on me, skeleman."** Sans proceeded to drape a shirt over them like a blanket.  **"...Don't quit your day job."** Chara lifted up the shirt, which was an incredibly bland and uninteresting shade of beige. On the front, in a Times New Roman font, it read 'Born to be Mild'.  **"...I don't get it."**

"it's a little something called 'eye-rone-ee'. real high brow stuff, lemme tell you. sorry if i got your size wrong, or anything, but at least the phrase fits." Sans bowed modestly as he was showered with roses and ketchup bottles. 

**"Ohhh, now I get it. It's still not funny, but I get it."**

"no but seriously, i'll give you your real presents." Sans took off his magic top hat, releasing a cloud of doves that flew into the window. Everyone clapped uproariously. He reached into the hat, and pulled out...!!! A box of assorted chocolates, and a thick rainbow scarf. "merry birthday." 

Chara stared ravenously at the box of chocolates, accepting it with trembling hands.  **"How did you know I liked chocolate?"**

Sans shrugged one shoulder, looking casual. "oh, a little birdie told me." Toriel stopped pecking at seeds on the ground long enough to wave. "hope you're not allergic to coconut, or anything." Sans turned to gauge Asriel's reaction, only to find that the boss monster had already secured the scarf around his neck. 

Asriel made eye contact, frowning fiercely. "What? It's chilly in here, okay?" 

"hey, i didn't say nothin'." Sans winked, his permanent grin softening. "Glad you like it, kiddos." He was then grabbed by Papyrus, who flew away with rocket shoes or something. Why would he need rocket shoes when he can already fly? That's a mystery to be solved another day. 

And then!!! It was time for Frisk!!!!! They stepped up to the plate, chewing gum very, very loudly for reasons unknown. They smiled brilliantly at the two dorklords sitting in the reading chair, both arms tucked behind their back. They literally vibrated with excitement, so much so that they were starting to carve through the floor. Eventually they couldn't take it anymore, thrusting a pair of carefully wrapped presents at them. "I hope you like it!" 

 **"Coming from you, it's sure to be something ridiculously sentimental."** Chara tore open their box first, retrieving...! A cloak. An extremely regal one at that, with fur lined shoulders and a Dracula-esque collar. It was a deep, rich red, with a silver brooch clasp and a golden Delta Rune inscribed on the back. Chara stared at it with wide eyes, looking completely blown away.  **"Holy shiii-ucks. This is so cool!"** Chara immediately draped it over their shoulders, looking quite a bit more like a monarch than they had a few seconds ago.  **"Bow before me, feeble serfs! Your ruler has arrived!"** They broke into excited giggling, flaring up their collar. 

Asriel was already looking jealous, without having even opened his present yet. But then he did so! And he unveiled an ebony wood scepter, with a silver lightning bolt on top filled with layers of rainbow sand, which were visible inside of it. He eyed it with blatant awe, turning it over in his paws. "Frisk, where did you get this?!" 

"Internet," Frisk replied simply, looking ridiculously pleased. Their present giving points were through the roof! They celebrated by launching themself at the pair, slinging an arm around both their necks in a deathly powerful hug. 

 **"You should know that I'm severely allergic to mushy stuff,"** Chara complained. Asriel was busy sobbing dramatically and clinging to Frisk with all six arms. Frisk patted him on the back with seven hands, and proceeded to backflip away. And then Chara and Asriel were left alone together. Except everyone else was still sitting a few feet away, but still. 

"So, uh... you wanna go first?" Asriel rubbed the back of his head nervously. 

 **"Yeah sure whatever,"** Chara blurted, shoving a gift bag at their brother. They huffed and looked the other direction as he dug through it, pulling out a shirt that was carefully wrapped in translucent tissue paper.

He glanced up at his pretending-to-be-aloof sibling, and carefully unraveled the shirt. It was a simple black polo, with white, blocky lettering on the front. It read 'Good Goat, Best Brother'. Asriel stared in wonder at Chara, whose cheeks were more rosy than usual. "Charaaaaa," he sang, a grin firmly plastered on his face. "You looooove meeeeeee." 

 **"Shut the fuuuu-heck up. Of course I do, you dorklord. Doesn't mean you gotta point it out."** Chara growled and snapped their teeth when Asriel hugged them like the stupid goober he was.  **"Just gimme your dumb present already. It'd BETTER be cash."**

"This present has a distinct, non-currency shape." Asriel reached into his pocket, and pulled out a little black bag. "But I think you'll like it anyway." He looked surprisingly confident in himself, and it was much more sincere than his Hyperdeath nonsense. 

Chara roughly snatched the bag from his hands, dumping out the contents into their palm. And then they stared.  **"Y-you..."**

Asriel smiled, warm and tender. "Here. I'll help you put it on." Asriel gently fastened the gold chain of the heart shaped locket around Chara's neck, adjusting it minutely. "There. It looks really nice on you." 

Chara threw themself at the boss monster with such force that they both tumbled onto the floor. They pinched his cheek between a thumb and forefinger, pulling on it roughly.  **"You're so dumb! With your stupid face and your dumb thoughtful gifts. You're so... ugh!"**

Asriel just smiled up at them in a strange mixture of smugness and fondness. "Love you too, Chara." 

Asgore took a picture, and immediately sent it to the group text. He was then brutally devoured by his children, who absorbed his powers and became the rulers of earth. Okay not really.


	7. An Improper Christmas: Part 1337

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All hail the Disco King!

Anyway Asgore was perfectly alive and well (FOR NOW!!!), and Chara and Asriel vacated the present chair to squirrel away their gifts in the secret underground chamber they'd dug in Frisk's bedroom. But they'd be back! Probably. Definitely! Probably. And then Mettaton leapt up into the air, spraying candy canes from his Metta Blaster™ at everyone and everything in the room. He blasted a single from 'Holly Jolly Hexadecimals', which was a track titled 'Dodeca-Delights'. Needless to say, it was _pretty_ good. Everyone clapped along to the music, and by everyone I mean only Asgore and Frisk because Toriel didn't understand newfangled electro-whosie-whatsit music that all the kids listen to, Alphys had a severe scale condition that didn't allow clapping of any kind, Papyrus was busy screeching along to the lyrics, Sans was asleep, and Undyne might accidentally blow something up if she clapped too hard. Oh and also Chara and Asriel didn't clap because of the aforementioned present squirreling. 

And then!!!! Mettaton!!!!!! SAT. DOWN. In the chair, to be exact. Not the floor, or anything, because that'd just be silly. Mettaton crossed one delicious leg over the other, looking both extremely regal and extremely minty. Both. At the same time! "Come, darlings! Give unto me thine offerings!" Mettaton posed dramatically while sitting down, which mostly involved him flailing his legs in all sorts of impossible directions. They might have even been inside out at one point. There was a brief bloody massacre as everyone tried to figure out who would go first, resulting in thousands of casualties and tens of thousands of injuries. But that didn't matter one bit, because Sans and Papyrus were up first! 

"METTATON METTATON METTATON," Papyrus screeched, even though the celebrity was literally right in front of him.  "PICK ME, FOR I AM THE MOST INCREDIBLE PRESENT GIVER TO EVER EXIST! EVERYONE ELSE STARES IN AWE AND ASTONISHMENT WHEN I EXPERTLY DELIVER GIFTS TO THEIR RECIPIENTS IN A MANNER THAT IS BOTH ADMIRABLE AND ENVIABLE! I-" 

"hey mtt. merry birthday." Sans flipped a sloppily wrapped gift through the air, and it landed squarely on top of Mettaton's head. Everyone clapped politely. "sweet, three pointer. looks like we're goin' to the big time, fellas." Every single member of the Snowdin Snowpoffs cheered loudly, tossing their hockey sticks and baseball mitts into the air. And then Sans shooed them back into the transient closet. 

"Oh Sans, you shouldn't have!" Mettaton held up the unwrapped present, which was a roll of toilet paper. "No really, you shouldn't have. What am I supposed to do with this? I'm a robot, in case you've forgotten." The self proclaimed robot crossed his arms, looking exasperated. 

Sans merely grinned in reply, a knowing sparkle in his sockets. "i dunno, hang it on your wall or something? That's what you do with everything that looks like you, right? like that piece of toast from the other week. i still say it looks more like a duck."

Mettaton was wildly affronted, and expressed this by gasping loudly and placing a hand over his SOUL. "The nerve of you, implying that I look like something used to wipe one's..." He cleared his throat. "Such insult will not go unpunished! Prepare yourself, for-" Mettaton paused as Sans took the toilet paper roll out of his hand, and jammed it inside of his ocular lens. Now that it was in better focus, he could see that there were little Mettaton MAX faces embroidered into the paper. "...This is acceptable. Thank you very much for the extremely thoughtful and devilishly handsome gift, my dear."  Mettaton reached out to pat Sans on the head-

-Only to have his arm nearly torn off as Papyrus exploded into the place of his brother. "NYEH HEH HEH! NOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIFTED THE MOST TERRIBLE GIFT OF ALL TIME, MINE WILL LOOK EVEN MORE INCREDIBLE BY COMPARISON!" Papyrus did a few funky gyrations, unleashing a high pitched 'NYEH!' before tossing his fedora across the room, where it landed on Alphys' face. She screamed in horrible agony as the intrinsic coolness melted through her layers of nerditude. But nobody cared, so it was fine. "PREPARE YOURSELF METTATON... FOR THIS!!!!!!!" Papyrus barfed a neatly wrapped present right out of his skeleton face, and it smacked Mettaton right in his Mettaton face. Confetti exploded out of his eye sockets shortly after. 

Mettaton daintily wiped skeleton fluids and confetti off the gift with a lacy handkerchief, Which he then deposited in the incinerator that was in the living room apparently. Mettaton then used his plasma cannon to incinerate the wrapping paper, which brings up the question of why he didn't use it to incinerate the handkerchief, too. Well, you see, it's because- Mettaton gasped at the label on the box, written in shimmery gold cursive that was practically impossible to actually decipher. The robot reverently removed the lid of the 'Fancy Feet' box, unveiling a pair of knee high, sparkling magenta platform boots. "Oh, darling, they're wonderful! I'll put them on right now!" Mettaton peeled off his ruby red Christmas boots, unleashing a pair of legs so delicious and fantastic that mortal eyes could not bear to look upon them. Luckily Papyrus didn't have eyes, so he was able to shamelessly goggle at them all he wanted. But alas he could marvel only for a short while before said increditastic legs were again concealed by a brand new pair of boots. Mettaton proceeded to strut around the living room as strobe lights flashed, techno blared, and everyone cheered him on, including Chara and Asriel who had just returned from the room of beds and thus had no idea what was going on. "Anyway, enough of that." Mettaton did a little twirl, kicking out a leg and sweeping Sans and Papyrus back over to the couch. 

And then Chara and Asriel, because why not! They both stood awkwardly in front of the present chair, Asriel looking off in some vague direction while Chara made extremely intense and aggressive eye contact with the automaton.  **"Alright, enough of that. Here's your Christmas present or whatever."** Chara flung a book at Mettaton's head, and he snatched it out of the air with incredible robo-dexterity. He took Toriel's reading glasses right off her face and put them on, inspecting the title of the book, which turned out to be 'A Guide to a Modest Lifestyle for Young Women Girls'.  **"I thought you could use that, for obvious reasons."**

Mettaton chortled in amusement. "Ohohohohoho! Oh, darling... for what reason would I need a guide on modesty? I am already perfectly modest; it just happens to be that my greatness is easily recognized by anyone and everyone. Thank you for your gift regardless. I'm sure it will make wonderful firewood." Mettaton made intense anime eye contact with Chara, little knives and legs shooting between their locked gazes. 

"Sorry about them," Asriel butted in, shoving Chara's face out of the way. "Chara can be a little... yeah. Oh, merry Christmas." Asriel offered a little gift bag covered in spooper edgy rainbows to the robit, who accepted it curiously. 

"It's not a problem at all, darling." Mettaton ate the gift bag, chewing thoughtfully before spitting the contents into his hand. It was a compilation album, containing the top 40 techno pop songs of the year. At least five of the songs were Mettaton's own. "Oh, how thoughtful! However did you guess what kind of music I enjoyed?" Mettaton questioned, as his speakers blasted Nu Disco and his t-shirt that read 'I Love Electronica' flashed very, very brightly. 

"Oh, you know. Just a lucky guess." Asriel grinned smugly, feeling his present points accumulate. He dragged Chara away before they could eat Mettaton's face, and also to give someone else a turn. 

And who'd have guessed that it would be Frisk's turn next!?! Nobody, that's who. If you did, then shut up no you didn't. Frisk flounced fancifully up to the robo-diva, striking all sorts of incredible poses. They finished with a powerslide, stopping inches away from the present chair with their head flung back and their arms splayed dramatically. The master of poses applauded lightly. "Absolutely astounding, darling. I see my instructional videos are paying off." 

"I've been practicing really hard," Frisk replied brightly, hopping to their feet and pulling a modestly sized gift out from behind both of their ears at the same time. They placed it inside of Mettaton's hat, which was filled with loose change and phone numbers. Not like phone numbers on slips of paper, or anything; they were all programmed into the hat, which doubled as a cell phone. 

Mettaton plucked the gift from his phone hat, carefully unwrapping it despite the fact that he could see through it with his special robo-vision. Okay not really. He unveiled... a hand mirror! A mirror framed in a particularly pleasing shade of lavender, as well. Mettaton's optic lenses were immediately drawn to the outrageously gorgeous face staring back at him, and he self-consciously fixed his hair despite it already being flawless. "It's a special mirror," Frisk began before Mettaton could speak, "it's one way, so that people can see through the back, and admire you while you admire yourself." 

Frisk was immediately scooped up in a pair of candy cane striped noodle arms, and squeezed until they popped like a balloon. Rip in pieces, you will be missed. Okay not really. "Oh darling, what a wonderful gift! I'll be sure to use it every single day!" Mettaton shook them up and down in glee in a manner reminiscent of making a martini. Shaken, not stirred. 

"I'm glad you like it," Frisk wheezed, beginning to turn blue in the face. They gasped for air as they were carelessly flung across the room once Mettaton was done being thankful, and then other things happened that will go undescribed because-

-It's Toriel's turn!!!!! She walked up in a very normal and uninteresting manner, as she is wont to do. Who does she think she is anyway, not dancing or flying around with rocket feet or doing thousands of flips through the air?! Anyway she smiled in a matronly manner at the robot, because everyone is her childrens apparently. "I hope you enjoy your gift, darling." She passed a present into his arms, and he decided to avoid issuing a Cease and Desist because it was Christmas. 

"I'm positive that I will, dear Toriel." Mettaton headbutted the gift open, revealing....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A dress! One of daring magentas and blacks, which also appeared to match the exact positioning of Mettaton's normal coloring. He gasped audibly, and it wasn't even a recording this time. "Toriel...! Oh, it's  _wonderful_ ," he gushed, pressing it against his chest, where it clashed terribly with his Christmas paintjob. "It perfectly reflects both my inner and outer beauty. Thank you so very much!"

Toriel blushed modestly, waving off the compliments. "Oh, it was no trouble at all. I had needed a new sewing project for a while anywa-" She cut herself off with a squeal as Mettaton scooped her up, squeezing tightly before grabbing her by the foot and spinning her like he was competing in the Highland Games hammer throw. He released her, and sent the matronly goat lady flying through the far wall, where she crashed through and out onto the busy streets. She was tragically flattened like a flapjack by oncoming traffic. Or possibly she just landed very safely on the couch. It was probably the first one, though.

Anyway, it was now time for Alphys and Undyne! How very exciting!!! Or not, depending on your viewpoint. Undyne recklessly charged towards the chair like an angry bull, snorting and huffing and shaking the horns she didn't have all about. Alphys was clinging to the tail that Undyne also didn't have, screaming wildly. They screeched to a halt in front of the chair, leaving a trail of sparks and fire and other hot things behind them, including Sans' entire stock of apostrophe dogs. "Alright listen up tinhead! You're gonna take this present, AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!" Undyne roared, raising a massive gift bag over her head and hurling it into Mettaton's lap. His legs were immediately atomised, but somehow his new boots were alright. "Oh oops." 

Mettaton wailed in horror, clutching at his lower torso and flopping out of the chair in the process. He flailed around like a fish without legs. So... like a regular fish, then. "Oh, oh! My beauties, my loves, my greatest features! Gone, forever! Taken before their time by the cruel, dark universe we are encompassed in! And yea, it shall grow ever darker, for the brightest stars hath been snuffed, like the most delicate of flames! Truly we live in the bleakest of realities, with all that is good and right devoured by the yawning void! We-" Mettaton's soliloquy was interrupted as Alphys accidentally stepped inside of his mouth. 

"O-oh, sorry. But, uhm... it's okay, Mettaton! Because for Christmas, I got you..." Alphys pressed a button on her remote that she had apparently, and a hole opened up in the floor. Fog rolled out in waves as a glass case slowly rose up, containing a pair of dark, slender shapes. Mettaton goggled at them, unable to process the feedback from his visual sensors. "I m-made some minor improvements to the overall design, i-including increased flexibility, tensile strength, as well as.. uhm," Alphys squinted down at her notes, " 'a thirty t-two percent increase in sultriness'. So uh, we can put them on now, i-if you'd like-" Alphys squeaked and leaped out of the way as Mettaton rocketed through the air, smashing into the glass case and utterly pulverizing it with his face. He emerged from the glittering clouds of glass powder with his new legs fully attached, and they were indeed as sultry as Alphys had described. Overwhelmed by Mettaton's bolstered sex appeal, the entire room blushed furiously. Also everyone in the room was extremely flustered. "M-maybe that was too much s-sultriness," Alphys mumbled, peeking between her claws at the delicious legs. 

Mettaton squee'd in joy, kicking his legs high in the air as he strutted back over to the embarrassed scientist, leaning down to rest a hand on her shoulder. "Alphys," he spoke, with none of the pep and grandeur he normally injected into every sentence. "You've been a wonderful friend for many years, and I'd like to sincerely thank you for everything you've done for me. You made my dreams come true, and I can't think of anything in the world that I could do to repay you." He hugged her close, and there was a collective 'aww' from those with softer hearts. Or at least the more expressive ones, because everyone in the room is a massive fuckin' softie. 

"Hey, uh... sorry about all that, or whatever," Undyne apologized brusquely. "Here's your present. It won't be as good as Alphys', but.. whatever." She picked up her present, and very carefully placed it on top of Mettaton's head. Alphys released him so that he could unwrap his present, and he totally did it! He unwrapped a helmet, dark and sharply cut with a pair of thick, jagged wings on the side, and a visor shaped perfectly for his R.A.Y form's eye cannon. "You're a hell of a fighter, and I thought you could use somethin' to show that off." 

"Well, I'm not usually one for.. middle age fashions, but for you, I think I can make an exception." Mettaton admired the helmet with a critical lense, admiring the shining finish. "Did you.. make this yourself, dear?" 

"I do some blacksmithing in my spare time. What of it?" Undyne replied defensively, crossing her arms. 

"I think it's a wonderful talent, darling. Be sure to nurture it so that it might blossom into something even more brilliant, won't you?" Mettaton smiled widely, showing off his shining white teeth. 

Undyne huffed, looking unsettled. "Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas and junk." She smiled into her hand, secretly pleased, and dragged Alphys away. 

And now, it was time for the grande finale-ay! Asgore shuffled meekly up to the chair, a tiny gift bag clutched in his monster paws. As if they could be any other kind of paws. He laughed nervously when Mettaton merely gave him an alluring grin, crooking a finger in a 'come hither' motion. He whispered a mantra of 'oh gosh oh man oh geez' under his breath, before stepping closer and clearing his throat. "I, uh... here." He practically threw the bag into Mettaton's face, which was better than impractically throwing it. The fabulous automaton caught it, and carefully removed the tissue paper inside, retrieving from within a pair of tickets. "They, they're for... a concert, next month," Asgore explained, as Mettaton stared blankly down at them. "I also made reservations for that Thai place you like. I'm not sure what a 'Thai' is, but-" 

"These... they're for Blo-Napstablook's concert. When did you...?" 

Asgore rubbed the back of his neck. "...I bought them as soon as it was announced?" His voice went up at the end. "I have VIP passes, too. You've been saying you want to reconnect with your cousin, but didn't know how to do it, so I just thought this would be the best way to go about it-" Asgore silenced himself as a pair of robo arms gently draped themselves around him. 

"...Thank you, Asgore," Mettaton whispered, sounding choked up despite that being impossible for a robot. He gently dabbed at his eyes with a second lacy handkerchief, before a sultry spark lit up in his optical lenses. "It seems I am in your debt, my liege. I will have to repay you for your kindness." He leaned up and whispered something in the fluffy goat monster's ear, and in the next moment Asgore was laid out on the ground, as dead as a doornail. Or as dead as a doorknob, or whatever other not alive object he chose to identify as. 

 


	8. An Improper Christmas: Part 8675309

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, how long can this go on for?

Presents hooray! Anyway, Asgore was actually dead this time for real actually forever deceased until the end of time. Really. Seriously. Actually. Anyway, Asgore was perfectly alive and not dead, but he won't be so lucky next time. Also he was like, sitting, or something. Where he would find a place to sit with like forty other people in the room remains a mystery. But nobody cares about that, because it was time for everyone's favorite scaly couple to get their presents! That's right, it's Sans and Papyrus! 

Papyrus' bones rattled in excitement as he attempted to sit still on the chair, but instead ran a forty kilometer race all by himself while running in place on the chair. Also Sans was there, attempting to sit on the floor. He fell asleep halfway through. "NYEH HEH HEH! THE TIME FOR PRESENTS FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS FINALLY UPON US! COME, MY FRIENDS, SHOWER ME IN YOUR MATERIAL AFFECTIONS! AND KEEP IN MIND THAT NO MATTER HOW TERRIBLE YOUR PRESENT MIGHT HAPPEN TO BE, MY PLATONIC LOVE FOR YOU ALL WILL NOT FALTER!" Papyrus struck several courageous poses, because... you apparently need courage to get presents??? It made sense to Papyrus, at least. 

The first present weasel- I MEAN FRIEND WHO IS DOING THIS OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL BECAUSE THEY VERY MUCH LIKE SANS AND PAPYRUS- was Toriel, who flounced and twirled up to the chair in her tutu and clown shoes, stretching one leg so far over her head that it went all the way around and onto the ground again. Not like, in a counterclockwise motion or anything; more like she kept stretching her leg until she was completely upside down with both feet still on the ground. Papyrus appeared vaguely impressed, and Sans appeared vaguely asleep, and both appeared vaguely thankful that she wasn't wearing a dress. 

Anyway Toriel waddled towards them on her probably broken legs and feet and ankles, huffing and puffing in exertion as her furry little toes dragged her across the floor. She inhaled nasally before a pair of presents erupted out of her nostrils at mach four, and they both completely exploded Sans and Papyrus into dust and Christmas was ruined forever the end- "I hope you enjoy, my dears. I chose them with love." 

"I'M SURE ANY PRESENT GIFTED TO ME BY TORIEL, THE QUEEN OF MOTHERLY AFFECTION, WILL BE BOTH THOUGHTFUL AND WONDERFUL! AND IF IT ISN'T, ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE CRUSHED!" Papyrus chewed through his present with giant Lincoln Log teeth, cardboard and shiny wrapping paper melting away to reveal...!!!! 'Fanciful Fables', the ultimate collection of children's bedtime stories. Needless to say, Papyrus was absolutely ecstatic, and chose to express this by shrieking at a pitch that could shatter diamond. "OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS GOSH-A-ROONIES, HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKED BEDTIME STORIES?!?!?!?!" 

Toriel appeared both warmed by Papyrus' reaction and confused by it. "...Dear, your brother and I read them to you all the time. Every night, in fact." She exchanged a worried look with Sans, who appeared mostly ambivalent and unconscious. 

"WHA- OF COURSE, I KNEW THAT! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, SOME SORT OF MONSTER THAT DOESN'T REMEMBER BEDTIME STORIES?" Papyrus was deeply affronted, and expressed this by shrieking at a pitch that could shatter steel. "OH, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE PRESENT, TORIEL! I WILL TREASURE IT FOREVER AND ALWAYS, JUST LIKE THE SECRET TREASURE THAT I KEEP UNDER MY BED IN MY SECRET TREASURE CHAMBER THAT IS A SECRET AND ALSO UNDER MY BED." 

"don't worry about him," Sans assured Toriel, and also he was awake apparently. "he gets like this when he hasn't done any train-ing in a while. it's usually how he blows off steam." Sans winked, sending Toriel into full blown cackling. Oh and also he unwrapped her present or whatever, which was 'The Complete Compendium of Skeleton Japes and Jokes'. "oh man, i've been lookin' for somethin' like this for ages. where'd you find it?" 

"Oh, a mother has her ways..." Toriel grinned unnervingly as forks of lightning flashed and crackled in the background. "And by that I mean I found it at the bookstore." The lightning, scorned and humiliated, packed its bags and left forever. RIP in pepperoni, you will be missed. Anyway after Toriel was done eating pepperonis, she wrapped both skeletons in a gentle hug. "Merry Christmas, boys. May we have many more in the future; at least until the robot apocalypse that they were talking about on the TV." Mettaton peered up, looking intrigued, but unfortunately for him she didn't elaborate. Thus the world was saved from the horrible robot scourge, led by Mettaton the Malicious.

Speaking of Mettaton....! It was now Frisk's turn! Said Frisk bounced up to the plate, a baseball mitt on one hand in case of any further curve balls. They reared back and lobbed a tiny gift bag at Papyrus' head, and he caught it in his eye socket. "Two points!" they cheered incorrectly, doing a little dance of victory.

"YOUR BOWLING SKILLS ARE IMPROVING IMMENSELY!" Papyrus praised proudly, digging around inside his eye socket to retrieve the gift. He was elbow deep before he found it, and then proceeded to explode it open with eye lasers or something equally ridiculous, like a tiny army of scissor people that cut it open because they owe their lives to Papyrus, who single handedly saved them from the armies of the staple remover empire. BUT THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY. Anyway the scissor people flew away with little jetpacks, leaving Papyrus to admire his present, which was a tiny plush version of himself! How adorable. "OH MY GOD, IT'S... ME! IN A SOFT, MINIATURE FORM! GREETINGS, MY NAME IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS! MIGHT I SAY, YOU ARE LOOKING VERY HANDSOME TODAY." There was a moment of silence before Papyrus blushed modestly. "OH, YOU ARE SUCH A CHARMER!" He lifted Frisk off the floor with one hand, resting them on his hand like a papaya. "HUMAN! YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL: MYSELF! I THANK YOU HEARTILY!" 

"I knew you'd like it," Frisk replied pleasantly, before they were unceremoniously dumped onto the other skeleton brother. They smirked up at Sans, waggling their eyebrows at ludicrous speeds. "Looks like I've fallen for you, huh?" They swiveled their hips suggestively, and Toriel covered their eyes to protect their innocence. Frisk proceeded to blindly flail their arms around, trying to deliver Sans' present.

After several minutes of this, he gently plucked it from their hands and attempted to remove the wrapping paper, but fell asleep halfway through. And then he woke up! And fell right back asleep again. But eventually the wrapping paper was somehow removed, and the present underneath was revealed! Sans stared mildly at the framed photo in his hands. It was a picture of himself, Papyrus, and Frisk, taken back in the Underground. They all wore shirts that they'd all made themselves, and when they were in the right order they read 'BEST FRIENDS FOUREVER'. Sans never claimed to be the best at spelling. Well, he had claimed that, several times at least, but he was usually too lazy to do it correctly. He continued staring down at the picture, something warm growing in his ribcage. "aw, kid.. you always were a big sap." He tugged Frisk into a hug with one arm, carefully cradling the frame in his other hand. 

"Guess that explains why I'm so stuck on you," Frisk mumbled into the fabric of Sans' ugly Christmas sweater, before carefully extracting themself to give someone else a turn. And that someone was...!!!! Asriel and Chara, why not! They both shoved each other up to the chair, which soon became a full on fistfight, which then became a championship boxing match. Asriel ended up being declared winner by default after Chara threw a folding chair at the commentators. 

Anyway they both stood awkwardly in front of the skeletons that they both had much history with. But then Chara pretended not to feel awkward, stomping powerfully forward and thrusting a pair of gift bags at the brothers.  **"Hope you like it, or whatever. If not, I didn't keep the receipts so no refunds for you."**

"WORRY NOT, OTHER HUMAN! AFTER MY PRESENT PURCHASING LESSONS, I'M SURE YOUR GIFT WILL BE TOP NOTCH!" Papyrus shredded the bag with his teeth face, and almost accidentally destroyed the t-shirt inside, which read 'Warning: Cool Dude Will Rock It Out Anytime, Anywhere'. "AND I WAS RIGHT! CONGRATULATIONS TO ME FOR BEING CORRECT! AS IF THERE WERE EVER ANY DOUBT! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus lifted his new shirt above his head and leapt into the air, spinning like a top as he flashed a variety of bright, glowy colors. When the light show died down, Papyrus had transformed into... Papyrus with the t-shirt on! "WOWIE, IT FITS PERFECTLY!" The fabric draped around him like a blanket. "THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL PRESENT, OTHER HUMAN!" Papyrus reached out and gently patted Chara on the head. 

Chara stared up at him with wide, uncomprehending eyes.  **"...Yeahwhatevergladyoulikeit,"** they blurted, throwing their other present at Sans' head. It bounced off harmlessly and landed in his lap. 

"gee, you shouldn't have." Sans carefully ripped the present open, dumping out a 64 oz. bottle of hot n' spicy ketchup. "okay, maybe you should have." He immediately cradled it against his chest like a newborn that happened to also be ketchup. "if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were trying to fry my affections." He winked several times in a row. 

Chara sighed in exasperation.  **"It was the grease-t I could do to repay you. But don't read into it any more than that, skeleman."** Chara flipped their hair like a rebellious teenager, but then some got in their mouth and they had to spit it out. And then they shoved Asriel forward so hard that he flipped upside down and then right side up again. 

"Golly, thanks for that!" He chirped, sarcasm dripping onto the floor and making a horrible mess. He carefully handed a weighty, poorly wrapped gift to Papyrus, trying to look aloof. 

"WOWIE, WHAT A WEIGHTY AND LARGE AND BIG AND LARGE AND MEDIUM SIZED PRESENT! I WONDER WHAT COULD BE INSIDE?" Papyrus stared down at the gift for a few short moments. "WELL, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT." And then he tossed it in the trash and Asriel cried forever. No but actually he opened it with his usual enthusiasm, sending wrapping paper flying all over the place, and unwrapping... a cook book! A pasta cook book, at that. "OH MY GOD, HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKED PASTA? WHO TOLD YOU?!?!?" Papyrus demanded manically, lifting Asriel off his feet and shaking him around instead of stirring him. 

"Sans and Frisk it was them they told me about your pasta prowess," Asriel wailed, bleating in distress. And then he was carelessly dropped to the floor, where Sans winked at him. 

"OH. YES, I SUPPOSE THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE. THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT, FRIEND ASRIEL!  I WILL BE SURE TO LET YOU BE THE FIRST TO TASTE MY NEWEST PASTA DISHES! NYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus struck several master chef poses, which looked just like his regular poses. 

Asriel felt absolute dread creep through him at the thought of eating Papyrus' pasta. "You're... welcome??" He kept a safe distance from the still posing skeleton, and approached the one that was much more of a danger to his person. Sans stared unflinchingly at him, and Asriel resisted the urge to either shrink away or put up a Hyperdeath front. "I wasn't really sure what to get you, so... here???" Asriel handed over a DVD case which proclaimed itself to be 'The Best of Snowdad Jones'. "I didn't wrap it, because I figured you'd be exhausted from unwrapping it."

"how thoughtful. anti-humor isn't really my thing, but hey. maybe he's got some new material i'd like. good effort, anyway." Sans made as if to pat Asriel somewhere, but fell short by several feet. Mostly because Asriel had moved out of the way, but still. And then he flew away with rocket boots, taking Chara with him so they could begin their journey through the stars. 

And then Alphys and Undyne!!!!!! They rode up to the skeleton brothers on their two seater tricycle, with Undyne pedalling and also honking the horn very loudly. Alphys sat on her head, wearing both of their helmets at once. They screeched to a halt in front of the present chair, sending up billowing clouds of smoke and showers of sparks despite having been moving at roughly three miles an hour. "OH MY GOD PAPYRUS," Undyne roared. 

"OH MY GOD UNDYNE," Papyrus shrieked in response, leaping up from his chair so they could both dance around each other while also arm wrestling. Needless to say, Papyrus was not the victor. But neither was Undyne, because they were arm wrestling in the air which means they were automatically disqualified. But that was okay because Undyne beat up the referee. "OH MY GOD UNDYNE HAPPY CHRISTMAS TIME BECAUSE IT IS TIME FOR CHRISTMAS IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT-" 

"H-here you go, Papyrus!" Alphys interrupted, thrusting a present out at the spoopy skeleton and tripping in the process. But she was okay so it's okay. 

Papyrus 'NYEH!'d in surprise, even though he knew that Alphys would be giving him a gift. "OH MY GOODNESS, A PRESENT FROM THE GREAT DOCTOR ALPHYS! TRULY, IT WILL BE ONE TO REMEMBER FOR ALL OF TIME!" Papyrus exhaled on the gift, and his spaghetti breath was so putrid and abhorrent that it disintegrated the wrapping paper, to reveal...!!!! A monster truck! Not a regular sized one, or anything. That'd just be silly. IT WAS ACTUALLY FOUR TIMES THE SIZE OF A REGULAR MONSTER TRUCK, AND HAD A DRAGON FACE AND SPIKES ON THE WHEELS DESPITE THAT BEING COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO THE WHOLE 'DRIVING' THING!!!! No but actually actually it was one of those little electric ones that you controlled with a remote. "OH MY GOD, THIS CAR IS A DRAGON! AND IT ALSO HAS DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE WHEELS! WHAT SORT OF CONTRAPTION MIGHT THIS BE, DOCTOR ALPHYS?" 

"It's a uh, t-toy monster truck. With a few modifications. I u-upgraded the battery from lithium to nuclear, and reinforced the frame so that it c-can safely travel at speeds up to n-ninety eight point six two five miles per hour. I-I also increased the range of the remote to encompass the majority of the western hemisphere, and included an on board camera and GPS so you won't lose it." Alphys paused. "Also it b-breathes fire." She squeaked as she was suddenly grabbed by a pair of bony arms, and shaken around in glee. 

"WOWIE ZOWIE KABLOWIE! THIS IS AMAZING! SANS, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THE RED HOT ROADSTER™ FINALLY HAS A COMPANION!" Papyrus wiped a tear from his socket, dropping Alphys in the process. Luckily, her fall was broken by Undyne, who punched it so hard that it shattered into infinitesimal pieces.

And then Alphys was handing over Sans' present because progression. "H-here. I thought you might like this. I-if not, you could always r-return it." Alphys watched anxiously as Sans inspected the collapsible telescope, turning it over in his hands. "O-oh, I knew you wouldn't like it. I'm r-really sorry-" 

"thanks, alph," Sans interrupted, a wide grin on his face. "your present is out of this world." Sans winked at the scientist, who laughed in relief more than anything. And then Undyne exploded into battle! I mean, present giving. 

"AHHH PAPYRUS YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS PRESENT!" Undyne pumped a fist into the air so hard that it cracked open the ceiling. 

"OH MY GOD, A SKYLIGHT! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE," Papyrus gushed, stars shining in his sockets. 

"Wha- no, that's not-" Undyne rolled her eye, and thrust her gift at the skeleton instead of trying to explain things. Papyrus accepted the gift eagerly, stuffing it into his mouth and shaking his head like a dog. From within the layers of paper emerged a live hand grenade, which exploded everyone in the room the end. No but actually it was... a bone! 

'AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Papyrus screamed/squealed in elation, hugging the bone against his ribs. "OH MY GOD, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!" 

Undyne smiled modestly, twirling her ponytail. "Oh, you know. Just a lucky guess." She was suddenly accosted by the skeleton, who hugged her with such force that all his limbs fell off. Yes, even those ones. "Yeah yeah, don't get all mushy on me." Despite her aloof response, she patted Papyrus on the skull so tenderly that it reattached all of his limbs. "Oh and here's your present or whatever, Sans." She casually tossed an unwrapped 'Pun a Day' calendar at his face. 

"huh. i was expecting something a lot more on fire. thanks, i guess." Sans admired the kitten wearing sunglasses that was on the first page that reminded him to pay for apples with cash or-card. 

"Yeah whatever don't mention it." Undyne proceeded to remount the tricycle, furiously pedalling away with Alphys in tow. 

And then it was Asgore's turn! He was perfectly alive and well as previously stated, and wasn't even dead or anything! How nice. "Merry Christmas, boys," he said warmly, placing a fatherly hand on both Sans and Papyrus' shoulders. All of them. He reached into his giant Santa sack with another hand, producing two expertly wrapped presents. He handed the first to Papyrus, smiling jovially. "This is a special gift from Santa himself. I think you'll like it." Asgore winked knowingly at himself.  

"OH MY GOSH, A PRESENT FROM KING ASGORE, AND ALSO FROM SANTA! MY STANDARDS ARE SO HIGH THAT IF THEY AREN'T MET, I WILL SURELY PERISH!" He ravenously tore open the box, lifting the lid to reveal a tabard, emblazoned with the heraldry of the Royal Guard, which was probably really cool looking. Papyrus gasped so loudly that it sucked all the air out of the room, creating a controlled vacuum in which everyone suffocated the end. "OH... OH!!! IT'S- IT'S SO- ASTONISHING, AMAZING, AWE-INSPIRING! FINALLY, I WILL LOOK LIKE A PROPER KNIGHT! ALL THANKS TO YOU, ASGORE!" Papyrus threw himself at the goat monster so hard that he bounced off and went flying across the room. 

"...And for you, Sans. May it serve you well." Asgore fell to one knee, holding a thin box aloft with much reverence. Sans casually opened it, eye sockets widening when he saw what was inside. 

"...i'll do you proud, kingy." Sans wielded his rubber chicken by the neck, squeezing it to produce a horrible squawking sound. "i can't believe you've been hiding this under the poul-tree the whole time." Asgore broke into merry chortles, slapping both his and Sans' knees. And then he died or whatever, leaving only one present exchange to be done. 

The two brothers made eye socket contact. "...SANS. I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU CLOSELY, AND HAVE DECIDED YOU'VE BEEN A RELATIVELY OKAY BOY THIS YEAR. THUS, I SEE FIT TO GIFT YOU WITH... THIS!" Papyrus reached under his new shirt, producing from within... a piece of paper, with macaroni art pasted onto it. Two vaguely humanoid shaped blobs were standing next to each other, the short one labeled 'SANS' and the handsome one labeled 'PAPYRUS'. They appeared to both be holding hands, and there was a shining sun in the top corner. Underneath them was a string of text reading 'BEST BONE BROTHERS FOREVER!' 

Sans took the picture with careful hands, gazing upon it for several long moments. "...i love it. thanks, bro. you really are the coolest brother ever." He embraced his brother, who immediately broke into bawling sobs and clutched Sans tightly. "oh and here's your present." Sans threw a handful of action figure's in Papyrus' face, which spun around wildly when he saw what they were. 

"OH MY GOD," Papyrus screeched so loudly that all the windows shattered into powder, "IT'S LARRY LEGISLAUGHTER, AND HIS TEAM OF CONGRESSIONAL COSMIC CROCODILES!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" Unfortunately, Papyrus was unable to enjoy his presents due to blowing up the entire universe with the power of his scream. 


	9. An Improper Christmas: Part 42069

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas may be over, but holiday cheer transcends the limits of time and space! ..And social boundaries. Seriously, stop texting me.

  
The present chair was soon vacated by a bawling Papyrus, whose joyous sobs were muffled by the action figures stuffed into his mouth. He oozed a trail of slobber behind him, creating a horribly impassable roadblock that no mortal being could ever hope to overcome. A sad violin played from the ceiling, where one of Mettaton's henchmonsters had become trapped in a web of Christmas lights. Truly it was the darkest of times, when friends were separated by impossible odds on the most wonderful day of the year-

Anyway Undyne walked right over Papyrus' drool trail with Alphys tucked under her arm, her smile so wide that all who dared look upon it were forever cursed to an eternity of also smiling very wide. It could have also just been the infectious Christmas cheer, but the first one sounded much more reasonable. Undyne heroically leapt through the air, lifting her scientist girlfriend high into the air so that Alphys might know the joy of soaring through the sky. Unfortunately it was short lived, because they crashed into the present chair moments later and toppled it over. "NGAAAH! WHO MADE THIS PIECE OF JUNK?!" Undyne complained, lifting the chair with just her pinky toe and setting it upright, whilst also juggling Alphys along with several bowling pins.

Uproarious applause followed, but it was unfortunately drowned out by the exceedingly loud sad violin. The rabble was quickly roused by the deafening screeches of the poor, tortured instrument, but a hero emerged to save the day! **"Someone call a violin exterminator?"** Chara cried bravely, hoisting their brother above their head. Asriel bleated in confusion, before he was shaken all about as if he were about to do something particularly hokey and/or pokey. _ **"**_ **Now, Azzy! Use your lame-o star whatever!"**

"It's called 'Star Blazing'!" Asriel protested, before wiggling his arms in a particularly 'menacing' manner. Chaos magic flowed through his not-actually-tattoos, and dozens of glowing rainbow stars rained from the ceiling. They impacted the villainous violinist with incredible force, causing him such mild discomfort that he ate his way through the ceiling with little rat monster teeth and scurried away. The houseful of monsters and also the nerd human cheered in delight, for the day had been saved!

"Can we get on with the presents already? We don't have all day! After all, it feels like we've been waiting for almost TEN MONTHS," Undyne roared in a very unsubtle manner, shaking her fist in emphatic rage.

"W-we do kinda have p-places to be," Alphys added much more meekly, and then put away her phone once she was done looking for an astounding array of alliterations. Papyrus patted her pridefully on the shoulder, and she shrieked in surprise at him suddenly standing next to her with no indication of having moved whatsoever. "P-Papyrus! A-are, uh.. you and S-Sans going first?"

"OF COURSE WE ARE! NOT ONLY IS OUR COMBINED PRESENT GIVING MIGHT COMPLETELY UNMATCHED, WE ALSO HAPPENED TO BE VERY CONVENIENTLY CLOSE BY!" Papyrus' grin shined with the light of a million billion quarts of toothpaste, which reflected off of Alphys' glasses and seared his face off. Luckily he was a skeleton and thus didn't have a face, or it would have been a truly terrible tragedy indeed! "ANYWAY, HERE YOU GO, DOCTOR ALPHYS! I HOPE IT SERVES YOU WELL, IN THE FIELD OF... SCIENCE!!!" He thrust forth a present shaped like a bone, which Alphys accepted gratefully.

"T-thanks Papyrus, I'm s-sure it'll..." The scaly scientist stared silently at her unwrapped gift, which appeared to be... an abacus, bearing little bones instead of wooden beads. "O-oh wow, how did you..." She glanced between the distinctly rectangular abacus and the much smaller, femur shaped present box. She resisted the urge to hyperventilate at the sight of the logic error, and instead focused on the beaming skeleton that loomed over her with menacing quantities of Christmas cheer. "T-thank you, I really l-like it!"

"R-REALLY?" Papyrus slapped both hands over his cheekbones, before he cleared his throat and struck a much more cool pose! "I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DO! ANY PRESENT FROM THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS SURE TO IMPRESS! ALSO HERE IS SANS, WHO IS SURE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING KETCHUP OR PUN RELATED!" Papyrus scooped his brother up off the ground and tossed him like a lawn dart, the stout skeleton colliding with the shrimpy doctor Alphys. He rolled off her like maple syrup, oozing down the side of the chair and onto the floor. Alphys peered over the side of the chair, staring down at him in concern.

"hey doc, fancy meteor-ing you here." Sans clicked his fingers over the sound of his brother's groans, and reached inside of his coat for a present so sloppily wrapped that it was literally a box with 'wrapping' written on it in marker. "happy christmas." He attempted to toss it at her, but merely fell over and deposited it at her feet.

Alphys spent several agonizing minutes attempting to grasp the box with her tiny little dinosaur toes, failing miserably because she was actually wearing shoes for once. Everyone in the room watched in utter silence as she rolled the box back and forth, making absolutely no progress whatsoever.

"...OKAY enough of that." Undyne actually leaned over to pick up the present, smiling sweetly with giant horrible fishmurder teeth before she crammed it into Alphys' mouth.

"Fanks," Alphys mumbled around the now saliva soaked present, using her own gnarled death teeth to cut through the cardboard. She spat out the contents of the box onto her lap, immediately gasping so loud that her faced turned inside out. "Oh m-my GOD I c-can't believe it!" Alphys lifted a blue-ray case high above her head, spotlights bathing both her and her present in golden light as the rest of the room dimmed for ambiance related reasons. "ANIMEEEEEEEEE-"

Torrents of cheering and whistling exploded out of everyone's disgusting monster faces, every set of hands clapping at eighty two trillion claps per second. The scientist clutched a microphone against her snout, screeching a heartfelt love ballad whilst everyone held up lighters and also clapped at the same time, creating an extreme fire hazard. So great was their excitement that it built upon itself, climbing ever higher and higher with no signs of ever ceasing EVER-

"T-thanks Sans, I've heard g-good things about this one," Alphys said conversationally, rubbing her weeby hands all over the colorful case.

"yeah no prob," Sans also said in an extremely also conversational tone, also. He would have continued acting very calm and mellow, if not for the Great Papyrus picking him up and tossing him out of the way!

"NYEEEEEEEEH, UNDYNE YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS PRESENT!" Papyrus shouted directly in Undyne's scaly face, his pasta breath condensing on her open eyeball. Far from deterred, Undyne leapt from the chair and lifted Papyrus upside down above her head, screeching with glee.

"NGAAAAH, PAPYRUS I KNOW I'M GONNA LOVE THIS PRESENT!" She lowered the screechy skeleton so that they were making EXTREME eye contact, both of them grinning with full force! "C'mon, bonehead! SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT!!!!"

"OH OKAY," Papyrus swooced right out of her grip, rummaging through his cape for the present in an extremely low energy manner. But then he remembered he was supposed to be excited, and unleashed the present with a mighty cry! "PREPARE YOURSELF UNDYNE, FOR MY SPECIAL PRESENT ATTACK! NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!" He hurled the bone printed present at her with the force of a million people throwing things not very hard, and it hurtled through the air with the speeds of an object that moves quite fastly.

Undyne leapt into the air, doing seventy three backwards front flips whilst shouting heroic phrases at the present, which quivered in fear! She kicked it up towards the ceiling, where it cracked the plaster before rebounding down towards her at mach four. Undyne raised a mighty fist, spearing the present straight through the middle and absolutely destroying the contents. "Oh oops." She sat back down, both her and Papyrus staring at the present that had been warped around her wrist. "Uh... sorry, Papyrus-"

"SORRY? NAY, DO NOT APOLOGIZE; FOR YOU HAVE ALREADY DISCOVERED THE SECRET OF MY PRESENT!" Papyrus leapt up onto the coffee table, cape dramatically flaring outwards. There was a brief intermission as they assured the coast guard that they hadn't been sending up emergency flares, and then Papyrus returned to being dramatic! "FOR YOU SEE UNDYNE, THE PRESENT I GAVE YOU... WAS SOMETHING TO PUNCH IN A VERY HEROIC MANNER! NYEH HEH HEH! PLEASE, HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE FOR MY INCREDIBLE GENIUS!" Absolute silence engulfed the entire universe. "ALSO I GOT YOU THIS."

Undyne accepted the actual present, which turned out to be... a bone! Painted Christmas colors. "Thanks Papyrus! You uh... always know what to get me." Undyne flung out an arm, pulling Papyrus in for a noogie and ignoring his startled 'NYEH'ing. "Merry Christmas, you big nerd!"

And then she threw him into the sun, where he had a very nice time before coming back to Earth completely unharmed. Undyne turned her gaze towards her next opponent, the indomitable, incorrigible, incredibly stationary... Sans!!! There was a moment of extremely tense eye contact, neither of them saying anything. Except for when they said stuff. "Present," Undyne barked.

"piano wax." Sans tossed the unwrapped and unboxed gift at her head.

"Thanks," Undyne begrudged gruffly.

"me too," Sans winked.

"Christmas," Undyne replied, looking mildly confused.

"merry," Sans countered, already half asleep.

"..."Another long moment of incredibly tense and exciting eye contact occurred, except Sans had his eyes closed so it was slightly one-sided. "...Anyway, who's next?" Undyne questioned, once Sans had been wheeled away by his brother, despite not having been wearing his Heelys at that exact moment.

"I'll go next!" Frisk cheered with such a low volume that it actually absorbed the ambient noise around them, leaving a cold, deafening vacuum from which there was no escape. Luckily the mere presence of all the extremely loud monsters in the room was more than enough to make up for the noise deficiency, and thus the universe was saved by nobody doing anything of any particular importance.

But none of that was important, because presents!!! Frisk approached the occupants of the present chair astride a totally tubular surfboard; unfortunately their cool factor was lessened by the lack of gnarly waves, which forced them to scoot very slowly across the ground. Also they had to fight off a shark at one point, which delayed them for several weeks while they recovered in the hospital.

But then, finally, Frisk was stood in front of the present chair, with presents in hand! One hand. The one hand that hadn't been eaten. Oh wait the other had just been behind them. "Merry Christmas, you guys!" Frisk beamed, very gently handing one present covered in bows to Alphys, while launching Undyne's out of a cannon that they'd rented from a civil war history museum.

"Insert funny yelling here," Undyne spoke in amazement, despite not having actually opened her present yet. But then she DID open it, and inside was...!!!!!! A set of cooking gauntlets! They had all the spikes and frills necessary for a former Royal Guard Captain, and were also oven safe! "WHOA OKAY these are actually frickin' SWEET!" Undyne slipped on her new gauntlets, slamming her knuckles together with such force that it created a thermonuclear reaction so devastating that nobody even noticed and everything was perfectly fine. "Thanks, nerd human whose name escapes me at the moment because I can't get over how AWESOME these are!"

Also Alphys was there, opening her present! How exciting. She pulled at the wrapping with all her might, and somehow managed to fix all the tiny tears that had previously been present in the process. Defeated, she undid the tape and unwrapped it in the loser fashion that she was so accustomed to. "F-fifty two recipes for ramen?" Alphys turned the little cookbook over in her hands, salivating at the sight of the delicious looking ramen on the cover. "U-uh... not that I'm not g-grateful, but... you realize we only m-make the instant stuff, right?" Alphys eyes widened as Frisk's face scrunched up, preparing to explode with a torrent of tears. "I-I MEAN it's a g-great way to learn how to c-cook it from scratch! Eheheheh.." She breathed a sigh of relief when Frisk's expression reverted back to their normal smile.

"I'm glad you guys like it so much!" Frisk gushed, leaping off their surfboard to give someone else a turn and also get revenge on the shark that had almost maimed them that one time, really.

Asriel and Chara were next up, cutting their way through an absolute jungle of tangled Christmas lights that suddenly filled the house for some inexplicable reason. Chara sliced through the blinking foliage with a big honking machete, until they removed the bicycle horn and returned it to a big regular machete. Also Asriel was there doing not very much, because he had been put in charge of carrying the presents, and thus was unable to electrocute himself by cutting through wires with a metal blade. Luckily Chara had leveled up their lightning resistance, and was thus completely unharmed.

 **"Alright so Azzy and I didn't really know what to get you guys, so you're not allowed to complain about it."**  Chara snatched the presents from where they'd been balanced on Asriel's head, flipping them through the air so that Undyne could snatch them out of the air. Murder fish and murder child both stared one another down as intense anime sparkles leapt between their eyeballs, and also Alphys and Asriel made eye contact one time before looking away awkwardly.

"I-I'm sure they're fine," Alphys placated, and opened her present like a total lame-o, revealing it to be...! Scented scale ointment! "U-uh... thanks?"

 **"You look like the sweaty nerd type, so I figured you'd chafe a lot,"**  Chara explained bluntly, arms crossed in their second most aloof stance. The first one required too many dead farm animals to be practical.

"Our dad's friend, Mr. Gerson, used to use that stuff a lot," Asriel explained over his sibling's blatant insults. Alphys looked mildly puzzled, but didn't appear too insulted, which Asriel took as a victory.

Undyne stared blankly at her own present, only looking up at the sound of Chara's delighted snickers. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up. I've never been SO impressed by someone's wit before," Undyne growled, grabbing the container of gourmet fish flakes and beaning Chara in the forehead with them. "You're lucky it's Christmas, or I'd pound the snot out of you."

"Charaaaa! I _told_ you not to buy that stuff," Asriel complained, one hand holding his slaughter sibling by the collar of their sweater and the other rubbing at his forehead in irritation.

 **"Oh, whatever, it was funny,"** Chara defended themself, forgetting their mission to rip Undyne's fishy face off. **"Besides, if you'd REALLY cared, you'd have picked out her present yourself instead of leaving it up to me."**

"I'd already picked out the other half of the presents! We had a system, Chara!" Asriel floated up several inches off the ground, raising his arms in a particularly villainous manner. "A SYSTEM YOU _DEFIED_ , FEEBLE MORTAL! FOR THAT, YOU WILL FOREVER BURN IN-ACK!" Asriel was interrupted by Undyne snatching him out of the air, and depositing him back on the floor.

"Jeez, do you really have to go nuts like, every ten minutes?" Undyne complained, completely oblivious to the irony of her inquiry. "It was a dumb joke, whatever, I'm over it." Just out of Asriel's line of sight, Undyne made strangling motions at a grinning Chara. "So don't worry about it."

And then! Goat mom, to the rescue! She picked up both her children by the heads, tossing them away into the time-out corner so they could think about what they did. Unfortunately, she forgot that the time-out corner also doubled as the crocodile housing corner, and thus precious little self-reflection would be taking place. At least Chara wouldn't regret purchasing their machete. Toriel then proceeded to skateboard across the living room, trying to look 'hip', as the cool kids said. Unfortunately she threw out her hip in the process, but there was no force on earth that would stop her from giving presents to her friends/forcefully adopted children!

"Merry Christmas, you two," Toriel greeted sweetly, clutching her hip in old woman agony. "Oh, sorry, I mean... 'what is up, my nuggets?' That _is_  what the kids say, is it not?" Toriel squinted down at her 'Kool Kidz' lingo handbook to find out.

"Something like that," Undyne made eye contact with Alphys, both of them looking unsure of what to say. "Also we're adults, but that's fine BECAUSE YOU'RE GIVING US COOL PRESENTS ANYWAY!"

"Oh yes, the presents!" Toriel pulled a pair of presents out from under her... foot, and held them aloft. They were both expertly wrapped, but unfortunately not expertly rapped because Toriel wasn't very good at freestyling. "I hope you enjoy, dears."

"I-I'm uh.. s-sure we will, Toriel!" Alphys freed Toriel from her present burden, so that she could finally collapse onto the floor in peaceful suffering. She was then ignored forever and ever, DOOMED TO ROT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY except for when she eventually got up and sat back down or whatever. ANYWAY Alphys unwrapped the present labeled with her name, flushing at the sight of it: a bright yellow sweater with a grinning Undyne face on it, with text underneath that read 'If Lost, Return To Undyne'. "U-uh... t-thanks! I think???"

"Oh man T, this is sweet!" Undyne reacted much more positively to her own teal sweater, which featured a startled looking Alphys head and the text 'IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL TASTE JUSTICE!!!'. Undyne threw her new sweater on over the already bulky sweater she was wearing, and pulled Alphys in for a crushing one-armed embrace. She was crushed so hard that she liquefied and flowed from one side of the chair to the other before re-solidifying.

But before Alphys could dwell on her newest existential crisis, it was time for....!! Asgoooooooore! Thousands of fans cheered wildly as he leapt into the ring, cape flaring behind him and luchador mask barely containing his manly facial hair. He flexed his titanic biceps, striking dozens of strong man poses per second before annihilating Alphys and Undyne with his secret technique: FATHERLY AFFECTION!

Asgore took off his luchador mask and stared down at Undyne and Alphys with a proud glint in his eyes. "Look at you both... so grown up. I know.. material possessions can only convey so much of what I feel. They can only say so much about what you both mean to me. In my darkest days, you two provided me with the friendship I so sorely needed. I can only hope that I was able to provide the same in return." Asgore unveiled a carefully wrapped gift and a sparkly gift bag from behind his cape, and presented them with a watery smile. "Alphys, Undyne... Merry Christmas."

There was a moment of silence, broken only by Undyne's sniffle. She wiped at her eyes and offered a massive grin. "You big, sappy wimp... of course we know how much you care. You don't have to get us presents to prove that. Still gonna open them, though." Undyne accepted her own present with slightly less explosive force than usual, ripping through the wrapping paper to find a container of gourmet hot chocolate mix. Her grin softened with nostalgia. "Maybe you'll actually be able to eat the marshmallows this time, huh?"

Asgore chuckled softly, his eyes a bit moist. "We can only hope. Although I have a feeling my nifty new beard protector will help with that."

Alphys' gasp garnered the former royal's attention, and he glanced over in time to find her marvelling at the bouquet of flowers she'd unearthed from a mountain of tissue paper. "A-Asgore, they're beautiful! I've n-never seen anything like them.."

"The surface has many beautiful things still left for us to discover. And luckily, a fair few of those things are hypoallergenic." Asgore winked down at the stunned scientist, who had only just barely resisted the urge to inhale the combined fragrance of the flowers. Emboldened by the knowledge that her face wouldn't swell up, she inhaled deeply.

"T..thank you, Asgore. This r-really means a lot to me. M-Merry Christmas." Alphys had to stand on Undyne's shoulders to properly hug Asgore, but she made the effort regardless. He chuckled and patted her gently on the back, before exiting the embrace.

"Now, I believe you both have someone very special to exchange gifts with, do you not?" Asgore winked several dozen times in a row as he backed away, accidentally tripping but he was okay don't worry folks!

Undyne and Alphys made eye contact-

"OH THE ROMANTIC TENSION, MY POOR HEART JUST CAN'T TAKE IT," Mettaton shrieked, despite nothing having happened yet. He collapsed into a pile of rose petals, fanning himself frantically with his handy dandy pocket Frisk, who actually couldn't fit into his pockets due to him not wearing proper pants.

Undyne groaned and slapped her forehead, Alphys wheezing out nervous laughter. "U-uh, let's try that again." There was a record scratch before a slow song began to play, spotlights centering on the two scaly weirdoes that stared deep into each other's eyes. "U-Undyne, I know I, uh.. I'm not the b-best with... feelings, and stuff. B-but you mean a l-lot to me! Like, a c-crazy amount, m-more than I could have ever c-calculated... so I w-wanted to sh..share something special with you. S-so.. here." Alphys shoved a Christmas themed envelope at Undyne, covering her face with her claws in the next moment.

Undyne accepted the envelope without it bursting into flames, and she flashed Alphys a passionate smile. "Before I open this, I just wanted to say... you're pretty damn cool, Alphys. You might be a huge nerd, but you're one of the smartest and nicest people I've ever met. And I just can't get over how frickin' lucky I am that I DID meet you! That's why I, uh.. got you this. I was gonna write a note with it, but I ran out of paper after three days." Undyne presented her own envelope, which was buried under a mountain of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie stickers.

Both monsters opened their envelopes at the same time, eyes widening and jaws dropping in unison. "These are..!" Undyne began.

"T-tickets to...!" Alphys stammered, sweat pouring down her forehead.

"THE ANIME EXPOOOOOOOOO-" Both of them shrieked in unison, with such passion and vigor that the entire house erupted into totally sugoi flames and many dokis were to be had, desu ne.


	10. An Improper Christmas: Part Funny Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many old ladies does it take to bake a pie? Probably just one, as long as she's in sufficient health.

After several calls to the local fire department, the house was saved from the inferno and everyone could continue having a wonderful Christmas that never seemed to actually end! Hooray! Toriel in particular was looking quite decrepit, despite not having aged for the last eighty trillion years. She hobbled over to the present chair, her old bones a'shakin' as everyone cheered and clapped wildly. She practically crumbled into dust from the effort of sitting down, and everyone exploded with applause as she gave a big, furry thumbs-up. She then gently passed away as Sans played an extremely loud and upbeat tune on his trombone. Oh no wait she was just blinking slightly longer than usual.

"Moooooooooooooooooooom-" Frisk zoomed through the room until Toriel's face filled up their entire field of view. Unfortunately, they were just using their camera's zoom function instead of actually closing the distance between them. Frisk weebled and wobbled in various directions, unable to properly make out their surroundings. But they would prevail, marching on with Determination pounding in their veins!

"..Dear? I'm over here. This way," Toriel coaxed in a concerned tone, as she watched Frisk repeatedly ram themself into the front door. She continued making concerned goat noises as Frisk twirled around, staggering blindly around the living room. "Oh- oh dear," she murmured, as the nerdlord tripped into the Christmas tree and sent it crashing to the floor. Luckily, several more Christmas trees were liberally scattered around the house. "Ah, a little to the left-no, that's too far. Okay, now forward ten paces."

The entire audience of losers watched with baited breath and whatever Mettaton had as Frisk wobbled back and forth, moving ever closer to the great and direction-giving Toriel. Papyrus would have sued for plagiarism if he hadn't been so invested in the goings-on. After several more collisions with unmoving objects, Frisk was finally stood in front of the present chair, their camera pressed directly into Toriel's eyeball. "Wow mom, what big eyes you have! Er, eye."

Toriel laughed softly, easing the camera from Frisk's grip and devouring it with her toothy goat maw. "Now, my child... are you READY." Stage lights began to blare. "TO." The crowd roared in excitement as distorted rock 'n roll began playing from... somewhere. "RUUUMBLEEEEEEEE-" Toriel paused to cough daintily, before she dropped the microphone she'd been bellowing into. "I mean, commence gift giving?"

Frisk nodded firmly. "Yes to both of those things!" Frisk pulled a fistful of canaries out of their pocket, and began deftly juggling the confused birbies. This continued for several awkwardly silent minutes, before Frisk was struck by realization. "Oh you said rumble, not juggle." They shrugged and tossed the birds out the window, where they were eaten by the Christmas Beasts that lurked outdoors. Luckily, they'd all completed the voodoo ritual necessary to ward off the nightmarish apparitions that stalked the snowy streets. "Right, presents... here!" Frisk pulled the present out from under their ear, before realizing their mistake and pulling it from behind their ear instead. "I hope you like it."

"Any gifts from the ones I love are worth cherishing." Toriel shielded her vision from Frisk's sparkling eyes with one hand, and used the other to begin unwrapping the gift. "Oh my! Coupons for new glasses, and... an appointment card for a visit to the optometrist? Thank you dear, but, why ever would I need these..." Toriel squinted at the blurry blob in front of her, "..Papyrus?"

"Let's just call it a hunch," Frisk deflected, before they leapt heroically into the air! Unfortunately they only made it two inches off the floor, and were thus forced to slink off in shame.

And so it was a good thing that the greatest source of personal pride on the planet was next up to the plate! Papyrus unleashed a mighty cackle, flexing his buff biceps and shooting smooches at his adoring audience. Unfortunately, due to the lack of both biceps and lips, they merely stared at him in confusion. "AHEM. GREETINGS, QUEEN TORIEL! I MEAN, NO LONGER QUEEN TORIEL! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM HERE TO BESTOW UPON YOU... THIS!!! THING I BOUGHT!!!!!" Papyrus reared back, waddling into position as he hucked his present in the manner of a shot-put. Also in the manner of a shot-put, it smashed directly into Toriel's face, and won him an Olympic gold medal. "THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'M TRULY HUMBLED BY MY OWN GREATNESS," Papyrus bragged modestly, shaking his own hand as he was showered with rose petals.

Once Toriel was done putting on her replacement face, she carefully unwrapped the present, only to find...! "My goodness, Papyrus, you shouldn't have!" She carefully lifted a 'World's Best Goat-Mom' mug out of the box, her eyes soft with affection. The word 'goat' had been scribbled on with marker.

"OH-HO, BUT I HAD TO! FOR YOU SEE..." The lights in the room dimmed as Papyrus' screeches fell into a more somber range. "BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND, FOR MANY YEARS, IT WAS JUST MYSELF AND SANS TO WORRY ABOUT. WE BOTH WORKED VERY HARD TO SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER, AND MANAGED TO GET BY. WHEN FRISK FELL INTO OUR LIVES, I WAS CONFLICTED. ON ONE HAND, I WAS OVERJOYED TO HAVE SOMEONE NEW IN OUR LIVES, ANOTHER MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY. BUT I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO CARE FOR THEM. IN THE END, IT SEEMED MORE LIKE THEY CARED FOR US, INSTEAD." Papyrus 'NYEH'd with nerves. "BUT ONCE WE HAD BEEN FREED SO THAT WE MIGHT LIVE UPON THE SURFACE, YOU BECAME A PART OF OUR LIVES AS WELL, AND PROVIDED THE COMFORT AND STABILITY WE SO SORELY NEEDED. AND, WELL... THIS WAS THE LEAST I COULD DO TO THANK YOU, TORIEL."

Toriel sniffed and wiped her eyes, pulling the lanky skeleton down into a bone creaking hug. "Oh, dear Papyrus.. you did everything in your power to give Frisk the happiness they deserved. There are no words to express how thankful I am for that." A collective 'aw' went up, and everyone was swift to slay it before it could consume them all, thus freeing up room for Sans to give his present! Wowie!

"hey, tori. i uh. here." Sans tossed his present at the matronly goat monster, rubbing the back of his skull with his free hand. "it's not much, but... i thought it'd 'sew' my appreciation. my bro is right about how much you've given us, so. yeah."

"Oh, Sans.." Toriel cradled the sewing kit in her grasp, and offered her widest smile to the sweaty little bone man. "You're both very kind, thoughtful young monsters. It is no small wonder Frisk seemed so happy with the two of you."

Unfortunately, before anything else sappy and ridiculous could be said, Chara had already taken the liberty of carting both bags of bones back to the past. That past being several minutes earlier, when they had been sitting on the couch.

The anger human and edge goat approached the present chair with absolutely unacceptable levels of swagger. Phat beatz played from a boombox over in the corner, which on closer inspection wasn't even plugged in. **"Yo yo check it, we're all up in here to deliver some righteous presents, dig?"**  Chara tripped and stumbled over their baggy pants, which were actually so baggy that they just kind of got tangled around Chara's foot. Luckily, they were wearing a second pair of slightly more conservative pants underneath.

"Frisk told is this is how teenagers act on the surface," Asriel added in a slightly skeptical tone of voice. He self consciously adjusted the several pounds of bling hung around his neck, and glanced back at the still posturing Chara. "I'm still not sure what a 'slav squat' is, though."

 **"You're supposed to 'drop it low', dummy!"**  Chara performed a series of improvised hand gestures, looking mildly frustrated when their fingers got tangled up. Several feet away, hypnotic spirals appeared on the surface of Alphys' glasses, and she mumbled garbled syllables before beginning to gnaw on her own foot. Nobody noticed. Except Chara, just a few moments later. They glanced between their hands and the drooling Alphys in wonder. **"Holy shi-ucks, these hand gestures really DO mean something."**

"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't perform arcane gestures," Asriel grunted, attempting to untangle his leg from around his neck. 'Getting low' was harder than he'd thought. "Also, weren't we supposed to be doing something? Like giving presents to mom?"

 **"Oh, right."**  Chara sneaked a glance at their mother, and found Toriel completely comatose in the chair, foam pouring from her mouth as her old person brain attempted to process the (admittedly weak) power of her children's swag. Chara pulled a cloth bag out of their first pair of outrageously baggy pants, and held it up with a cheeky grin. **"Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?"**  There was a brief, uncomfortable pause as Toriel twitched uncontrollably and Chara began looking frustrated. **"...It's your present. Happy Christmas, mom. I knew Frisk was pulling our legs,"**  they muttered before picking Asriel up off the floor, where he'd managed to twist himself into a pretzel.

After several weeks of intensive care, Toriel recovered to the point that she was able to open the present, smiling warmly at her little chilluns. "Thank you both for the wonderful presents. I hope you know that I love you both, even in spite of your... alternative lifestyle choices," Toriel coughed politely as Asriel picked at his entire mouthful of gold teeth and Chara scratched at their tattoo of what appeared to be a dollar sign, except with a Z instead of an S. There was another waiting period of six to eight weeks as Toriel unwrapped her present, unveiling the unbelievable majesty of...!!! Macaroni art. Not like, macaroni pasted to paper, or anything, but an actual sculpture made entirely of macaroni. It was crudely made in the shape of a flower, with hearts for petals. "Oh, it's lovely," Toriel gushed. "I'll be sure to put it right up on the fridge.. oh dear, perhaps that wouldn't be the best idea."

 **"You could eat it if you want. Just ignore the glue or whatever."**  Chara suggested, trying very hard to pretend like they didn't care. Asriel made no such effort, his entire face quivering in need of parental affection and praise.

"I know, I'll put it on my desk at the school." Toriel nodded, pleased with her idea, and then scooped her children up for a bone crunching hug. She spoke over the sound of the grievous injuries, her voice soaked with affection. "Asriel, Chara, my dears... it means so much to me to have you both back in my life."

Asriel sniffed and returned his mother's embrace, trying not to out himself as a big crybaby loser, which he totally was. "..Glad to be back, mom." And then before Chara could say something to ruin the moment he sent them both flying away on a blazing star of glory. Unfortunately it fizzled out only a few feet into the air, and unceremoniously deposited them on the floor, where they were swallowed up by the carpet fibers or something.

Undyne, sensing her presence was required, leapt into action with Alphys in tow! The little scientist stared up at her girlfriend in anime awe, sparkles shooting out of her eyes and bouncing off of Undyne's heroic fish face. "One two presents here we go!" Undyne rode a conjured spear like a witch's broom, soaring through the air for almost a full second before she crashed to earth, just in front of Toriel's little furry toes. Alphys floated down much more cautiously with the use of her umbrella, and landed on top of Undyne's head. She was immediately dislodged by Undyne rising up to face the challenge before her, armed only with her passion and her determination! "Anyway Merry Christmas," she said casually, flipping a present through the air at four trillion miles a second, creating an object that defied gravity without being acted upon by an outside force. Unfortunately, before Alphys could study it, Toriel had already proceeded to remove the wrapping.

"Oh, a space heater! How wonderful. It certainly does get a little drafty at night," Toriel admitted as if she weren't covered by mounds of fur and also didn't have the ability to conjure fire.

Undyne smiled modestly, which still managed to display her horrible murder teeth. "Well, you know my motto; 'Turn up the heat!'."

Frisk waved their hand frantically through the air, and then began speaking before anyone even looked at said waving hand. "I thought your motto was 'NGAHHH!'?"

"I CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE MOTTO," Undyne yelled nervously, eyes darting back and forth. "Quick, give her the present and let's move, our cover has been blown," she hissed into Alphys' dinosaur ear, much too loudly for anyone to not hear it.

"U-uh, Merry Christmas T-Toriel!" Alphys squeaked, tossing her completely unwrapped present even as she activated her jetpack. The blue-ray case blinded momentarily blinded Toriel with sparkling cat girls, and thus she was unable to prevent the escape of her sworn nemeses. She fumbled with the case as Alphys tore through the air with the aid of her jetpack. Undyne followed swiftly, leaping from the earth with the force of a meteorite... only backwards. Unfortunately there was a roof in the way, so they both just kind of fell to the floor.

The mood suddenly turned somber, lights dimming as Asgore gingerly stepped over the bodies of the scientist and former Royal Guard. Many breaths were baited and then cast into bodies of water for fish to nibble at as he tiptoed ever closer to his ex-wife. Toriel watched his approach with a neutral expression that still managed to make him shrivel up. "Uh... howdy, Toriel! I uh... gosh, I just really can't thank you enough for allowing me to move in. It's really swell of you, and.. well, h-here." He thrust a florally wrapped present at her, and began twisting his fingers once she had it in her grasp. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Asgore," Toriel responded pleasantly enough, tearing apart the wrapping paper to unveil a sliver necklace. It had a simple chain, and bore a small emblem shaped like a flower crown. Toriel's eyes flickered between the chain and a profusely sweating Asgore. "You know I don't like flashy jewelry." Just as his face began to crumple, she continued, lips quirking into a smile. "I'm glad you remembered."

Asgore sighed a breath of relief so great that it blew Toriel right out of the present chair and sent her careening into the wall where she safely landed and didn't die ever. But now that the present chair was empty, that meant there was only one more posterior to be sat in it...! Every head in the room turned, a katrillion pairs of eyes zeroing in on...!!!!

Frisk blinked, and waved uncertainly at their friends. "Is there something on my face?"


End file.
